November 11th, 2009
Meet Mofunkra, the jihad warrior wannabe
The Bizarreville police are watching him. They have an all-night stakeout at his double-wide, and trail him during the day… a day normally full of weird rituals, chants, bowings, and jibber-jabbers.
Mofunka, the jihad warrior wannabe, is considered a bit dangerous. He allegedly tried to bomb Herm’s Diner a year ago because they were serving kosher food. But the fuse got wet and fizzled out when he placed the bomb in the gravy of the diner’s trash dumpster. Then when he tried to re-light, it blew up before he could get away, sending pork&bean can shrapnel into his left calf.
Then he tried to board a plane with a meticulously-crafted bomb that would not be detected by x-ray. But Mofunkra screwed up trying to board with a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo in his carry-on, and got busted.
Next, Mofunkra tried biological jihad by infecting Bizarreville’s entire spam supply with a nasty virus. He was able to plant the virus in literally every can of spam. It may be a long time before we know the effectiveness of that nasty act of terror.
Mofunkra attends the Mosque-of-the-We-Hate-Infidels, who spread the teachings of Fartwana….a cleric who has amazed mosque-goers by his ability to magically talk out of various lower orifices of his body…to the ooohs and aaaahs of the crowd. Mofunkra has been mesmerized by this whimsical prophet, and has blindly followed his jihad instructions. Mofunkra has also begun learning the orifice-talking routine, but his is far from perfected.
It is unlikely Mofunkra will be able to carry out any more jihad missions, now that authorities are on to him. Given Mofunkra’s fumblin’ bumblin’ ability, it’s probably a good thing that his wings have been clipped…to save himself from his own self-destruction.
