August 25th, 2018
Another Anthem Controversy
With all the controversy over kneeling for the national anthem, a new protest group has emerged. Calling themselves The Wimp Factor, out of Fizzie Village, California, they have come out and decried that the national anthem lyrics are no longer pertinent in the country today. They say that all that business about rockets glaring and bombs bursting may be okay for all the gun-toters in the South and Midwest, but the enlightened people in our areas believe it is all very passé.
In particular, they have proposed changing the last line in the anthem, claiming that there are no longer that many “brave” people anymore, aside from people in the military and a few others. So the country is hardly the home of the brave. They propose:
O say does that star spangled banner go limp,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the wimp
They say that flags are usually fairly limp anyway, unless the wind is blowing strongly. And besides, the updated anthem will recognize the millions of wimps out there, who have been ridiculed and disparaged for years…people who, themselves, have always wanted to protest the whole brave-thing, but were too scared that they might get beaten-up.
The Wimp Factor plans to take their case on the road and garner support. They say that even if they are unsuccessful at changing the anthem, they will at least have made a statement to the world. The group has retained the services of Bodyguards For Weaklings Inc. to prevent too many butt-beatings in the heartland.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fictional, until they become real.
