January 15th, 2025
Carbon Footprint Counter-argument
A new group has emerged who is providing a different perspective on the global environmental debate, particularly in regard to the growing amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The United Association of Trees has become very upset at measures trying to limit the amount of CO2 released, stating that these efforts to reduce CO2 are trying to strangulate our members, putting billions of trees and other botanicals at risk for survival.
A spokesman for the Trees reminds us that the trees have benefitted tremendously from the spewing of carbon dioxide from power plants, other factories, and automobiles in the past 50-plus years. They particularly appreciate the huge growth in stinky diesel trucks, beloved by trees and plants of all shapes and sizes. This windfall of CO2 has allowed trees, in particular, to reach record new heights and breadths, with tree leaves becoming greener than ever.
The Trees argue that there should be more emphasis put on the global oxygen footprint, which has exhibited a disturbing upward spiral nowadays. They say that the escalation in humans planting more and more tree seedlings, improving irrigation practices, and implementing organic farming methods have contributed to this glut in oxygen. The Trees warn that such a glut poses a long-term risk to their membership, and suggest humans consider allowing homeowners to resume burning leaves in their backyards, increase their use of fireplaces even when they are not needed for heat, and stop producing those darn electric cars.
Opponents point out that there is no way that the spokesman can actually communicate with actual trees, since trees cannot talk. The Trees spokesman argues that the left-wing radicals who bellyache about CO2 footprint aren’t much better than trees when it comes to sensible talking.
