bizarreville

Sure, it was a formality, but one that was welcomed by the new House and Senate leadership.  Yesterday, all the  Democratic Senate and House members signed a pledge to park their brains at the door, and just vote however Pelosi and Schumer instructed them to vote.  Each and every one of them signed the one-page pledge to ensure party unity and expedite the lawmaking process, in the face of Republican opposition on everything to be proposed.  And, since their left-drooping brains are on the shallow-side anyway, there was no downside to the rubber stamping process… anything they would suggest would most likely be lame.

“I’m happy about it,” one junior Senator confided.  “It used to be that my staff and I would spend hours and hours and hours reading all the mumbo-jumbo in these proposed laws.  Frankly, I didn’t understand most of it… not just because of my low-IQ… but mostly because reading makes me sleepy.  The fact is, we have professionals writing this stuff, they all do a good job supposably(sic).  So what’s the diff?  We’re all going to vote for it anyway.  With the time I same, I can spend a lot more energy on my matchbook collection.  You know, I have over 5 thousand of them on display in my Rec Room.  Really.”

Republicans are not surprised by the pledge, knowing that the Democratic congresspeople have not thought for themselves for decades.  “Once you forget how to think,” one Republican congressman mentioned, “it’s awfully hard to restart that stalled engine.  Better to just park that sled.”

Pundits say that the only long-term solution to this brain-parking problem is term limits.  But, unfortunately, that is unlikely to happen, since the dum-dums themselves would have to change their own rules.  And, while these morons are pretty stupid when it comes to lawmaking, they are certainly savvy enough not to auto-pink slip themselves… especially considering they are not competent of doing much of anything else of value with their lives in the real world.

Disclaimer:  All stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but some are under study for becoming real.

Professors at Bumfunk College have come forward and criticized all the liberal national media, particularly CNN, MSNBC, ABC, and CBS for their excessive use of Fake News, Fake Analysis, contrived data, unsubstantiated quotes from mystery sources, and their total disregard for anything resembling proper journalism.  The Profs say that a little false information is understandable and, frankly, important to the advancement of left-wing agendas.  But the new crop of “reporters” have gone too far.  Now the whole liberal cause is in jeopardy of unraveling, as the public has begun to distrust their over-the-top fictionalized stories.

A liberal whack job on the “Morning Shmoes” TV show replied that lies are necessary to put an end to the Conservative movement, the Tea Party, and the Free Speech initiative… all organizations that stand in the way of socialism.  Truth in reporting does not deliver the needed punch to awaken those misguided souls on the right.  The ends justify the means, as everybody who is anybody knows.

“Besides, college professors should talk about lying…they lie about what’s going to be on the Final, lie about grading on the curve, lie that the pathetic course they are teaching you has some degree of importance in the rest of your life.  Fortunately, thankfully, they have at least told the truth that capitalism sucks and Marxism is the superior framework for the future.  Most still keep a portrait of Karl in their home offices, for perspective when they get confused after looking at their 401-K statement, or after eating a prime rib dinner at the Club.”

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, as far as we know.

As promised in his campaign, President Biden has opened the floodgates, bypassing all procedures, for ushering illegal immigrants into the country.  His staff members believe there are millions of people who were unfairly stopped cold by the previous Administration because they had gang connections, criminal histories, sexual trafficking charges, and/or drug cartel links.  “It’s just another example of how the previous Administration discriminated against individuals just because they were not ‘squeaky clean’ in some of their behaviors,” one senior official commented.

The Biden Administration also said they were going to enact new rules on deportation.  Minor crimes such as simple assault, fraud, mugging, money laundering, tax evasion, or sex solicitation are not serious enough to warrant throwing a person or family back to the slums of their home country, where they would wreak even more havoc there.  No, these minor violators will just be placed in counseling sessions to help them realize that their misbehavior history was not their fault.

ICE officials have been ordered to blast 74 holes in Trump’s new wall in order to facilitate the free flow of immigrants entering the country.  The ICE members have been cautioned to smile and be nice to the immigrants.  Any frowny faces or snarky attitudes could risk termination of their employment, or reassignment to a desk job in DC.

The President has also pledged to give instant citizenship status to the 15 million illegals in the country now.  He has said, however, that he needs a little more time, because there could be a million or two hard-core criminals… convicted murderers, rapists, armed robbers, and lawn mowers who cut too short… who may or may not be eligible for the fast track.

There is much to be done to open things up, and the President’s team is raring to go.  Meanwhile, the President is taking a nap.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, and some are also classified as Fake News.