bizarreville

Ex-mayor and current President of Whack Jobs Anonymous Michael Bloomberg announced that he will pay the fines of 32 thousand convicted felons in Florida so they can vote in the upcoming Election.  The billionaire, with more money than brain cells, said that this is part of his decision to dump $100 million in the State of Florida to help pull Pathetic Joe’s campaign out of the mung pond.

Later, he said that he would also be providing these felons with free 3-day passes to Disney World and loan them tents to pitch out at the Disney Fort Wilderness Campground.  One group of felons asked if Bloomberg would spring for free bottles of wine, but the Whack Job President replied that they were on their own on the wine issue.

“I had to draw the line somewhere with these people.  Otherwise, next thing you know, they would be asking me for free condos on South Beach.  Hey, I want their vote… not a marriage proposal.”

Opponents argue that this process of essentially bribing people to get their vote is illegal, and the mere act of proposing it puts Bloomberg at risk of prosecution.  Bloomberg says he is not worried.  Even if he gets tossed in jail, he has sufficient connections with judges and wardens who are always looking for a little extra cash on the side.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but are generally acceptable as Fake News.

Democrat leaders have finally concluded that Nancy Pelosi has completely flipped her lid, and have decided to commit her to a local DC insane asylum.  Two oversized behemoths showed up at her office to haul her away, as she was seen/heard kicking and screaming, “No Trump bodyguards are shutting me up, or locking me up.  My friends in the Illegal Alien Community will not let this stand!”

The latest tipping point occurred when Pelosi went ballistic over Trump’s announced plans to submit a Supreme Court nominee to replace Justice Ginsberg.  She threatened to initiate impeachment hearings immediately, if Trump proceeds with the nomination.  It is, of course, the President’s constitutional duty to make such a nomination.  But Pelosi claimed that this clause was yet another example of the numerous flaws in the Constitution.

Democrats, who have also spoken against Trump’s plan to announce a nominee, nevertheless felt that the impeachment threat was the clearest example of the Speaker’s mental derangement… an unfortunate deterioration in mental capacity that had begun when she ripped up the President’s State of the Union speech on live TV, and continued with her constant, obsessive whining, bellyaching, and overt displays of anger about everything the President did.  Democrat leaders feel that her latest crazy, bizarre behavior now puts the upcoming Election in Republican hands… unless she can be stifled.

Administrators at Kook City Rest Home indicate that they can keep her muzzled for 2 months, and far away from any cameras or microphones.  They have several “Happy Rooms” in back of the facility with freezers full of ice cream, and TV’s permanently tuned to Sesame Street.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that sound pretty darn real.

As Election Day approaches, many are concerned that the Democratic Nominee is exhibiting early stages of dementia.  At a recent campaign stop in Michigan, he fumbled through COVID statistics, at one point going totally incoherent, saying there were “6 thousand, 344 thousand, 700 positive cases in the US military, I mean the United States overall.”  It made people in his own Party extremely nervous about letting him out in public for the next 2 months.  House Speaker Pelosi went as far as to suggest cancelling the Presidential Debates, so that Joe doesn’t look like a complete moron on national TV.

DNC leaders, however, are not overly concerned.  They think that having a brain-impaired President who can be propped up in his chair as a non-functional figurehead may work to their advantage in executing their social revolution agenda.

“Let’s face it…leaders who are egomaniacs can be so difficult to work with,” one insider commented.  “They think they know it all, and are not good listeners.  Better to have a guy who mumbles to himself in the corner, so that the rest of us can get the country moving in the right direction.  Or (ha, ha) in the left direction, in our case.”

Still, Joe must make it through the Election.  Most Democrats don’t care if the citizens elect a candidate suffering from dementia or any other impairment, as long as it’s not Trump.  Hell, some were even so desperate that they wanted to nominate an avowed socialist, Crazy Bernie Sanders, and his platform to turn the USA into an oversized Cuba, albeit with better cars.  Even though Joe is no Bernie, his malady will allow the Marxist element to effectively run things in the White House, and get the country away from this darn free enterprise path, and onto a new, inspired road to social justice, income equality, and global re-cooling.

Opponents have suggested Biden receive a full medical exam prior to the Election, so that voters can know whether they are electing someone who could figure out what button to push in the event of a nuclear attack… hopefully not the one that orders cheesecake and a fresh latte from the White House butler.  Dems feel that an exam is unnecessary, since, according to them, a possibly-impaired Biden would still be better than a known-impaired Trump.  The fight goes on.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction… that’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Nancy Peloci, in her effort to be considered the most disrespectful House Speaker in the history of the country, just advised Democratic nominee Biden to cancel the Presidential debate because it would be an exercise in skullduggery.  She was reported to be foaming at the mouth as she disparaged the President with a continuous string of insults at her regular press conference.

Medical personnel on the scene were greatly concerned about her psychotic behavior, which put her at risk of having a nervous breakdown right there at the podium.  Her liberal followers were similarly concerned, since Ms. Pelosi’s nasty mouth is a vital cog in the DNC campaign strategy of daily Trump bashing.

“No one else in the Party has a secure enough position in their District to risk acting like a total idiot in front of the public,” a DNC spokesperson commented.  “Her mostly-deranged constituents in San Francisco accept her moronic behavior, and would vote for her, even if she was thrown in solitary confinement for treason and/or hording ice cream in her commercial-size freezer at her home.”

Her obnoxious act of ripping her copy of the President’s State of the Union address suggested to many medical professionals that she was borderline crazy, and should be placed on a Watch List.  Then, her obsession with spewing Hate Trump speech at every occasion, alerted medical personnel to always be on standby at her public events, just in case she did a total flip-out.

“She has this delusion that her whacky, hateful outbursts are showing the world that she’s a tough congresswoman who won’t back down to anyone, and believes she has a Pass to be able to be as disrespectful and disgusting as she wishes,” an RNC member mentioned.  “But we realize it’s all just part of her mental illness, and we have pity on her.”

Pelosi’s recent trouble with breaking the law when she illegally visited her favorite hair salon and forced the stylist to cut her mop inside the building in defiance of local COVID safety regulations has made her defenders nervous.  Then, blaming to store owner for “allowing” Pelosi to misbehave was too much for even the leftiest libs to accept.  They have vowed to get her professional psychological help after the election, provided voters keep her crazy ass in her seat.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but some have actually come true.