September 30th, 2020
Bloomberg Cash for Criminals
Ex-mayor and current President of Whack Jobs Anonymous Michael Bloomberg announced that he will pay the fines of 32 thousand convicted felons in Florida so they can vote in the upcoming Election. The billionaire, with more money than brain cells, said that this is part of his decision to dump $100 million in the State of Florida to help pull Pathetic Joe’s campaign out of the mung pond.
Later, he said that he would also be providing these felons with free 3-day passes to Disney World and loan them tents to pitch out at the Disney Fort Wilderness Campground. One group of felons asked if Bloomberg would spring for free bottles of wine, but the Whack Job President replied that they were on their own on the wine issue.
“I had to draw the line somewhere with these people. Otherwise, next thing you know, they would be asking me for free condos on South Beach. Hey, I want their vote… not a marriage proposal.”
Opponents argue that this process of essentially bribing people to get their vote is illegal, and the mere act of proposing it puts Bloomberg at risk of prosecution. Bloomberg says he is not worried. Even if he gets tossed in jail, he has sufficient connections with judges and wardens who are always looking for a little extra cash on the side.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but are generally acceptable as Fake News.
