July 17th, 2026
Dopey Democratic Voters
Many people in the country are wondering how our culture has eroded such that Socialists are winning elections in Democratic primaries and even some general elections in Blue states. How can people not see that Socialism has failed wherever it’s been tried? Have they not looked at the difference between South Korea and North Korea, clearly the most obvious comparison of how 2 different ideologies produce 2 vastly different outcomes? What is wrong with these Democratic voters?
Of course, the answer is simple: most Democrats have become dopey. That’s right, they are dopes. Total dopes. Their brains have suffered meltdowns, and they are now incapable of any logical thought. They believe any goofiness spewed upon them… mostly spewed by teachers.
How did this happen? Some say that it all happened when they were young. They were brought up drinking super-size Coca Cola’s, munching on artificially colored M&M’s, and chowing down unhealthy Ding Dongs. They were given weekly allowances as kids but not required to do any work to earn that money. They wet the bed and were not held accountable or forced to wear adolescent-size diapers. Family doctors were not able to see these deteriorating effects on their physical/mental systems, and blew it off, saying, “It’s normal kid stuff. Who’s the next patient in the waiting room?” Their brains were soft when teachers laid the Socialist crap on them.
Eventually, these deranged kids became deranged voters. They believed the tax-the-rich hokum. They loved the free lunch programs and the government grocery stores. They appreciated rent control programs that prevented “greedy” landlords from making any profit. They cherished the idea of tax rebates for people who do not pay taxes.
Medical experts say that these Dopey Democrat Voters are beyond hope at this stage. Their brains cannot be recouped because of the severe damage inflicted. The only hope is to somehow stop the madness to proliferate in young people by firing Socialist teachers in schools and colleges. Meanwhile, the additional hope is that existing Democrats are just too lazy to drag ass off the couch to vote on election day.
Republicans are planning to do a road show, showing sad pictures of North Korea, and even a few disgusting photos of the old East Germany. This will demonstrate the vision of the future in the Democratic Socialist eyes. Hopefully, it will convince the fence-sitters, who are only partially brain-dead, to stop being brainwashed with the caustic soda of Socialism. Or at least show them an honest view of what they’re voting for.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, in case you are a Democrat who may not have already figured that out.
