December 9th, 2009
Ed Norton, where are you now that we need you?
The Bizarreville Job Summit is concluding, and the roundtable of guys-with-briefcases (i.e. experts) participated in good constructive debates on how to best stimulate job growth. Their answer: infrastructure improvements.
The first infrastructure priority will be to revamp the entire Bizarreville sewer system, which has badly deteriorated over the decades from the high acid content of our citizens’ urine. In the past, however, it has been difficult to embark on the sewer project for two reasons: (1) too little funding available to pay for the project, (2) too much foul odor to attract good mechanics to fix the problems. The first issue: no problem. But the second issue is still a big concern, and may ultimately require some out-of-the-pipe thinking.
“I’m not friggin’ Ed Norton,” said one journeyman after refusing to traipse down the manhole. “I looked down there in that yellow river and almost passed out after 15 seconds. What have these people been eating around here?”
“One of my buddies used to work in the sewers 10 years ago. And you know what? He still stinks. That’s right…you can still smell sewer on him. Even if he puts on after-shave, he just smells like cinnamon-scented crap.”
Leaders say that they will not be dissuaded by the working condition issue, and vowed to pull out their checkbooks to find some shmucks/ any shmucks who will slop in the defilement for a price. “May cost a couple hundred bucks an hour, but by God, we’ll find low-lifes with low scruples who’ll do it,” said a spokesman. “We may not get high-skills, but we’ll make up for it with more warm bodies. Hey, that’ll reduce unemployment even more.”
When asked about training these subtrained workers, he replied, “I can teach my grammaw how to weld pipe. Granny’d probably do a better job than these ‘I’m too good for sewers’ prima-donnas anyway.”
