December 17th, 2009
Coreless Senators face tough choice on whom to suck
Sensing there was some leakage wisping among the Dems in the Bizarreville Senate on the upcoming Health Care vote, Leader Harry Dweed took decisive action. He needed a professional, skilled at driving alignment. Dweed brought in Shlembo, the circus lion-tamer, with a reputation for taking the meanest, nastiest, most ornery beasts and breaking their wills.
Shlembo is highly skilled in using 2 whips in his taming technique. Allegedly, Shlembo can snap an unfiltered Camel cigarette out of a Senator’s mouth before he can exhale one ounce of secondary smoke. He can pick off a single curly hair with one swift crack. He claims he can have these stubborn hold-outs dancing the hokey-pokey in their underwear by vote time.
Some blue dog Dems are understandably in a bit of a pinch….they are stuck between supporting their loyal, loving constituents back home versus sucking up to Harry. “It’s so darn difficult when your core values are fluid,” said one unnamed wind blowee. “In today’s world, you absolutely must keep your belief system flexible. Hey, just last night I had a talk with my family about converting to Scientology so we could be more hip. I ordered a chicken sandwich at a MacDonald’s for lunch when I saw the lousy poll ratings on Burger-eater favorability. Just made the big move to boxers. It’s all about being smart.”
Dweed thinks Shlembo will snap these coreless wonders into shape and get their thinking straight. “Either that or they’re gonna have some sore backsides,” Dweed is serious as a heart attack on this issue. “Socialized medicine is the most critical fundamental building block in our drive to expunge the old capitalistic ways. We can’t let it all fall apart because a couple confused dingleberries forgot how to wipe their a$$#*!$.”
