January 26th, 2010
Supreme Court ruling may open up the weep gates
Pundits in Bizarreville had been anxiously anticipating to have an Argument field day with the latest Supreme Court decision opening the floodgates for Corporations and Unions to dump bucket loads of cash into political candidate campaigns. Many feel this could greatly impact election results, by ushering-in the quid pro quo set with pockets full of cash ready to buy influence at discount prices.
But at a recent charity dinner attended by Bizarreville’s top CEO’s, it would appear there is not much to worry about. “They all suck,” spouted William O. Burff, Chairman of BizarroBank. “Why would we want to piss money away on those two-bit clowns? Would rather take the cash and use it as a wipe…at least that would serve one purpose.”
Gerald Funkshmitz, CEO of Bizarreville Rubber and Rubbers agreed. “If one of those guys from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour runs for office, say that Larry the Cable Guy fellow, for example…well then, yes, we would probably kick in some major dough for his campaign. The rest of those knuckleheads out there running? Just a bunch of friggin’ lawyers who missed becoming partners. Why would I trust those f*#*$!rs?”
The President of the IBEW local had similar statements. “If none of these bozos can figure out how to create more good jobs in Bizarreville, they can all go to hell. I’d be happy to buy them a 1-way ticket. Is that allowed in this stupid new law?”
The Bizarreville Chamber of Commerce Executive Director tried to counter this by saying that he was certain there would be plenty of other corporations and unions who will pony up bucks when push comes to shove. But as a true Chamber ambivalent professional, he later said he felt very strongly on both sides of the issue, and would fight with every fiber in his being to defend either or both points of view.
Meanwhile, pundits are throwing in the towel on this issue, and turning their respective rages on other screwball political matters on the docket.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem like they could be real.
