October 12th, 2009
Anti-capitalist Michael Moorebird hailed in Bizarreville
Michael Moorebird, the genius expert on World Economic systems and part-time screwball movie producer, gave a stirring speech at the Bizarreville Moose Lodge last Thursday evening. He was also pitching his new book: Communist Manifesto, the Sequel. “I think there’s a movie in that one. Karl would be so proud,” he whimpered, holding back tears as he pre-pitched yet another brilliant, creative idea.
Moorebird had just returned from a short trip to his Promise Land, Cuba, where he had filed an investigative report on the superb conditions of their high-tech hospitals. “I was so impressed that I think I’ll go down there for my upcoming colonoscopy next month. May go ahead and have an Upper GI while I’m there. Why not…let’s live it up!”
Cuban authorities admitted that they had loaded him up with mucho Mango Mojitos laced with triple shots of 151 Rum. “Senor Moorebird lapped up those Mojitos, and kept asking for more, more, more. We just about ran out of mint leaves.” Onlookers report that Moorebird was stumbling and weaving through the hospital hallways, eventually flopping onto an open gurney…whereupon he promptly lost his lunch into a partly-full bed pan.
Moorebird has a busy speaking itinerary promoting his Anti-capitalism mantra and Adam Smith hate speech. He realizes that any revolution starts small, so proposes to start by nationalizing the Port-a-John industry. “Have you ever sat in one of those stinky freaking things?? No other nation in the world would put up with this pathetic level of quality. Let’s start by nationalizing port-a-johns…we’ll call it AmCrack.”
Moorebird argued that you’d never see a nasty port-a-john in Cuba. Opponents responded: “Yeah, but the alleys don’t smell so great.”
His next target might well be the Florist Industry where he has oft criticized how those coniving capitalists quadruple the price of fresh roses on Valentines Day. “That kind of collusion and gouging has got to stop. They don’t even smell that great any more.” Later he did admit that his sense of smell might be a bit out of calibration from frequent trips to Cuban alleys.
