March 1st, 2010
The “Progressive” short leash for old Rover
Introducing an exciting new product from your friends at Bumco Products Inc: The “Progressive” short leash for your pooch. It’s ideal to prevent old Rover from having too darn much freedom, and roaming through the whole yard sniffing your flowers, chasing little critters, and defecating all over tarnation. It makes cleanup a snap.
The short leash is precisely 3 feet long and made of the sturdiest leather that will snap little Scooter’s neck if he momentarily forgets about this rein. It comes in 6 different colors so that the dog owner can change it often to make it seem a bit different (of course, your color-blind dog will not know too much difference). A sequined leash is available at extra cost for true style setters.
The Progressive is a bold product entry that has been extensively market tested. Some may ask why Bumco is releasing the product when all the market research suggested it is one of the 10 stupidest ideas of all time? The courageous leadership at Bumco World Headquarters are progressive, forward-thinkers who truly believe they are much smarter than the idiots in the research surveys and focus groups. They plan to advertise, advertise, and then advertise a little more until people are so sick and tired of the badgering that they just go buy it. It is certainly a bold marketing strategy that has never been successful in the history of mankind…but there is always a first time for everything, and this may just be that time.
Bumco is also in the final stages of development of an even shorter leash, measuring a mere 2 feet, 6 inches…tentatively named the “Progressive Plus”. This product, when used with Big Dogs, will prevent them from even raising their heads up completely, but will still allow them to do normal functions like eat and piss. Some have asked if the ultimate objective is to keep shortening until the dog’s nose is pressed up against the anchor stake…but Bumco responds, “Of course not.”
The product will initially be only offered on-line, since all the Bizarreville pet stores have expressed a reluctance to carry the Progressive line at this time.
