November 9th, 2009
Party Chief calls Earmarks gross, disgusting, putrid
“Earmarks are disgusting,” the head of the Party exclaimed. “I’m not even sure where they came from. Years ago, you never heard of Earmarks. Maybe there were no earmarks…or earmarks were so small you didn’t notice them. But that’s certainly not true now…Earmarks are most assuredly noticeable. Grosses me out every time I see one…and I’ve seen way too many lately.”
Numerous groups have begun fighting against earmarks, but run up against ambivalence and apathy. “There are much, much bigger issues than Earmarks that must be solved. I’m surprised we’re even talking about earmarks. Must be those people on the fringe who just cannot accept that things change…it’s now a way of life. Earmarks are here to stay…deal with it!”
But the Party head responds “Hey, I can deal with Good change. But Earmarks are not Good change. Earmarks leave a filthy trail, that at some point, somebody will have to clean up. And that’s not a job any of us would look forward to doing.”
Nobody is quite sure how long people in Bizarreville have been sharing those Rooskie hats with the earmuffs, but undoubtedly it goes back many generations. Probably goes back to a time when the poor people could not afford their own hats.
And ENT doctors cannot definitively explain this recent outbreak of excessive earwax that has plagued the citizenry. They hypothesize that it is a result of excessive Cheeseburger intake with XL sides of fries…but that is only one theory. But clearly, the smelly, waxy buildup on the earmuffs has become, in some minds, a revolting hygiene issue, that can no longer be ignored. “You wouldn’t let people share skidmarks…why would you permit them to share earmarks?”
