October 16th, 2009
Rush: please come and help our team
Bizarreville elders have been following in earnest the goofy media flap regarding Rush Limbaugh trying to buy the St. Louis Rams NFL franchise. The hot rumor was that the Owners would object to the buy because his cash was simply not green enough.
The Elders are going to try and recruit Rush to buy the Bizarreville Skunksprays football team. “He would have been a mere minority owner in St. Lous, but would be a big-time solo owner here,” said Frank Spankhard, the current owner. “He could buy the whole kit and kaboodle for a buck 2.80, and I’d even throw in an autographed picture of Herm Spurple, the Pro Bowl water bucket boy.”
The Skunksprays team value continues to diminish with its mounting loss record, now 0-7 for the year, and projections of another winless season. Spankhard has considered just dismantling the team and walking away, but the League Board would not permit it. In fact, just because he had the temerity to even suggest such a concept, they took away from him one 2nd round and one 5th round pick for the 2010 draft as a sanction penalty. They also warned any further lip would cost him a 1st rounder. Team management shrugged, smirked, and uttered a collective “Whatever”.
The Bizarreville Elders feel that Limbaugh could come in and revitalize the disgusting Skunkspray franchise. He may be willing to pay (dare we say) market prices to get some non-pathetic un-bums. Might even try to hire a coaching staff from somewhere other than Lame Brain Refrigerator College. “Sure would be different having someone who actually knows how to attract an audience,” commented an arbitrary person off the street.
Opponents have responded: “Sure, maybe at first he might shell out dough. But he’ll quickly realize that he’s paid a king’s ransom, and the team still sucks.” When asked to serve up an alternative, a better idea, or any suggestion, the opponents just belched.
The elders have been calling the Limbaugh program all week, but haven’t gotten through.
