September 1st, 2010
Bizarreville Tea Party rally at the Monument
The Bizarreville Tea Partiers assembled at the Monument Saturday morning, numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Speakers talked about returning the nation to simple core values, prayer, personal responsibility, and pragmatic leadership. Speaker after speader took to the podium to express his or her idyllic vision for the future. 
The crowd was initially very enthusiastic. But they began to become restless, anxious, and soon became agitated when it became quite apparent that no tea was going to be served. No earl grey, no english breakfast, no darjeeling, no afternoon delight. No tea.
A small group of tea-drinkers in the back of the crowd started chanting, “We want tea. We want tea. We want tea.” Before you knew it, the whole crowd seemed to erupt into the Tea chant. The keynote speaker desperately tried to get the rally back on track by talking about tax reductions, investment incentives, and federal budget balancing…normally sure-fire themes. But clearly the crowd wanted brewed refreshments, probably settling for anything of a brewed nature.
The speaker explained that the “Tea Party” was just a metaphor for the government’s wanton disregard for citizens’ input in regard to tax policy, individual freedoms, health care policy, government bailouts, reckless spending, and arbitrary law-making. He explained that the nation was wandering in darkness, and needed a movement to help shine the light on their leaders’ misguidedness. A citizen in the front row yelled out, “Yeah, we’re with you on the darkness thing. But we still thought you were springing for the tea, man. I’m parched.”
Eventually some of the rally organizers scrambled, bought out the tea inventories at nearby convenience stores, and started handing out bottles. But by this time, a large throng of partiers had bailed, and were rumored to had reconvened at several nearby watering holes.
“Next time, don’t forget the friggin’ tea!” the keynote scolded as he stormed out of Monument Park.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fictional, even the ones that seem pretty darn real.
