March 2nd, 2010
Idaho sold to the Chinese, taters and all
In a move that will have old Tom Jefferson turning in his grave, the US government inked a deal to sell the state of Idaho to China. The move was brought about from increasing pressure by the Chinese on the out-of-control US National debt, mostly being funded by China. Chinese finance ministers indicated they were tired of accepting the flimsy US dollar as the sole form of asset transfer, and wanted to branch into something a tad more solid.
Negotiations had been underway for several months. China had originally asked to buy Florida, while the US countered with New Mexico. When one member of the Chinese due diligence delegation got bit by a sidewinder while on a New Mexico trip, they became furious. The US delegation desperately tried to point out the rich natural beauty with amazing rock formations, but the Chinese team leader said, “It’s a freaking desert, a$$#ole.” Both sides finally settled on Idaho.
The decision was not without controversy. Lobbyists for the fast food industry argued that Idaho’s potato industry is absolutely critical in the junk food supply chain. “Without Idaho, the McDonald’s french fry that you’ve grown to love and cherish will be pooof, gone. Better get used to the idea of ordering fried rice with your burger.”
A letter has gone out to all Idaho residents from the Chinese government stating that they will provide help and support during the transition, and allow them a full 12 months to move out of the state. An extra 3 months will be granted for citizens who are hospitalized, debilitated, or severely handicapped. Montana has offered assylum for the displaced Tatermongers.
One question still unresolved is whether Chinese Americans would be able to stay in Idaho. China has proposed that they could each be interviewed, and if their belief system has not been totally brainwashed by capitalism concepts, then they would be permitted to remain in Idaho. “But the first time they start doing any of that free speech crap, or blabber about making money, whoooosh, out they go,” the transition minister said.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem pretty real.
