bizarreville

Bizarreville Health officials are seriously worried over the recent epidemic of total deafness among liberal senators.  They have called for an immediate confab of Ear, Nose, and Throat specialists nationwide to diagnose the source of the problem and develop a solution path, before the ailment spreads outside this group. 

The outbreak appears to have happened as the senators voted to pass the so-called “Tax Cut extension” bill.  The 2000 page bill, erroneously sold to the public as a tax cutting measure, actually contains 6000 spending earmarks, costing billions.  The earmarks include such lame-brainness as a peanut research program, mosquito trapping research, and a swine waste management study.  It was not clear if the “swine” referred to pigs or senators…or whether there was really any significant difference in the makeup of their waste products anyway.

A senior senator on the Appropriations committee was asked by reporters whether he had listened to the voice of citizens during the last election who demanded spending cuts and fiscal responsibility.  “Huh?” the senator responded.  He was then asked if he had heard the cries by voters to get the dang Federal budget deficit under control and eliminate the irresponsible Earmark program.  He answered, “What was that??  Are you talking to me?”  Another reporter asked whether he had any clue about how to balance any sort of freaking budget, or whether he and his colleagues were simply too inept to do basic math.  The senator replied, “I see your lips moving.  Are you a mime or something?  Man, it sure got quiet in here.”

An opposing party official was asked why this deafness ailment just seemed to affect the Liberals, and not the Conservatives.  He replied that he did not know what exactly they did in their caucuses, did not want to know, and was uncertain what nasty little bug was gnawing inside their auditory canals…or, for that matter, how the bugs got there in the first place.  He also expressed relief that he was not one of those ENT doctors who would have to mine through the earwax of those senators, nor peer into their heads full of jell-o.

Health officials noted that this ailment has happened before.  “Affected legislators normally do not have any long-term ill effects,” one official commented, “and seem to gain full recovery once they are swiftly booted out of office and go home.  Bed rest is really what they need, months of bed rest.”

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem pretty darn real.