August 22nd, 2010
The Vegitism controversy
Followers of the religion Vegetism are not strangers to controversy. Their faithful have faced the scorns of many naysayers who have criticized their unusual worship of plants, fruits, and vegetables. But their latest initiative has created an uproar in the non-Vegetism population.
It all started when the Vegites announced plans to purchase property to build an enormous worship site near Ground Zero, obviously regarded as a sacred place by many people. It got even more heated when it became known that the Vegite worship site would, in fact, be a gigantic 50-foot high compost pile full of potato peelings, grass clippings, skunk beer, stale fruit, and other vegetating crud that would normally find its way into a garbage disposal.
Opponents have claimed that the people responsible for the 911 disaster may well have been on some kind of nutty, vegetable diet causing short-circuits in their reasoning power. Vegite supporters insist there is no evidence, no proof, no information whatsoever that supports such a goofy notion.
People who are close to the opponents but refused to go on record say that there is a hidden agenda reason for opposing the Vegite shrine. They say that the pile will just stink to high heaven. Merchants in a 6-block radius will not be able to stay open during hot summer days because of the overwhelming stench from this pile of decaying garbage. They say they asked whether the stinky pile could be enclosed, but the Vegite leaders had refused saying that the compost pile will not properly biodegrade inside.
It is not clear how this battle will end. Administration officials say that this is a free country and people should be allowed to build what they want, be able to worship the way they want without undue/arbitrary restrictions. One insider said that he thinks it is funny/ironic that many opposers are free enterprise supporters on most other issues, but for some reason, oppose this one because it does not fit their own agenda. “You can’t have it both ways,” he said, while chowing down a vegetable hot dog.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction.
