October 21st, 2025
Can Schumer Un-Loser Himself?
Chuck Schumer is thinking about putting aside the Loser Playbook that he’s been using as his Strategy Manual. Turns out, it was co-written by the owners of the NY Giants and NY Jets with supplemental content from the Kamala campaign… people who really know how to lose. Schumer had been thinking about getting out of politics and becoming a cannabis farmer, with a hundred windmills on the property to supplement his income. But now he’s heard that young people are shying away from dope. And windmills are turning out to be maintenance nightmares.
He may have to stay in politics and figure out some way to un-loser himself. Won’t be easy. His Aides tell him that he’s dug himself a pretty deep hole with his idiotic move to shut down the government. Thousands of his staunchest supporters have been given pink slips. And more pinks are on the way for those Democrats who snared cushy patronage jobs that have now been assessed as Non-Essential, Non-Useful, and Non-Sensible. They blame Schumer for ruining their lives. Schumer claims that it’s all Trump’s fault, but unfortunately they know he’s lying. They know he’s always been a liar. It was okay for him to be a liar when they all had good-paying jobs… not so okay now.
Looks like he’s stuck with being a Loser and will have trouble finding a real job when his term is up. Maybe he could be a windmill mechanic.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction when originally published. Some become true later.
