October 6th, 2025
Chicago may lose their sports teams
Mayor Johnson of Chicago has taken plenty of criticism over his recent announcement that the Chicago professional sports teams in the 4 major categories (Football, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey) have elected to move out of the City due to the decades-long pathetic performance of all the local teams and the fans deciding to shun attending the games. Another contributing factor has been the skyrocketing violent crime in the City, which has made fans fear to walk the streets in/around the parks. The Mayor has refused to acknowledge that crime is a factor. He said that his crime statistics show that violence is down, once they made some administrative adjustments to the numbers. And, he said that all crime in the City is attributable to pissed-off fans, who are sick and tired of losing, and hate being ridiculed by people from New York, LA, San Francisco, and even Peoria.
“It’s now embarrassing to wear any kind of Chicago sports jersey in public,” one Chicago alderman stated, realizing that departure is probably the best option. “People mock jersey wearers, often screaming, ‘You Suck.’ How do you argue with that? All you can say is, ‘You make a good point.'”
Davenport Iowa says they’d be willing to take the Bulls. They still remember the Jordan years which ended 27 years ago, when ownership decided to embark on a rebuild program. “You could have built 12 Hoover Dams in that timeframe,” one disgruntled ex-fan snarled.
Frankfort Kentucky says they’ll take a look at the Blackhawks. No one there knows anything about ice hockey, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Kentucky does not have any teams in the 4 professional sports now. They make good bourbon in Frankfort and are thinking they could serve it at the games. That may ease the transition from the team’s current level of malpractice.
The Bears may go back to Decatur, Illinois, where the franchise originally started as the Decatur Staleys in 1919. Staley seems like a good name to return to, if they continue to be befuddled on offense and defense, as expected.
Three cities have expressed a desire for the Cubs, but only if they can dismantle Wrigley Field and reconstruct it in their town. Experts say that the vines may not survive, but the trough-style urinals should be able to make the trip unscathed.
No one wants the White Sox.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but they seem pretty logical, right?
