September 12th, 2009
Joe speaks out
Yesterday, during the mayor’s speech on the new Health Care program, there was wild cheering and booing in the crowd. The mayor would talk about so-called Death panels for old codgers, and the young people would cheer. He would mention free, assembly-line vasectomies, and the ladies would cheer. He’d mention that there would be a public option, that it would only be an “option” so you could keep your current health plan, and there would be much booing among those with at least 2 licks of common sense.
But the mayor knew there was much concern about the cost of the program among the non-lobotomized fringe. This fringe element worried that a major expansion of who gets covered and associated bureaucracy would bust the budget big time.
The mayor wanted to hit this issue head-on. So, he stated unequivocally that, despite rumors to the contrary, there is no truth to the rumor that the program will include coverage for your pets…no cats, no dogs, certainly no hampsters or cockatoos. No colonoscopies for your shitzus, no liver transplants for your schnauzers, no waiting in line in the ER behind a cat having a hairball incident.
But Joe Average, fuming in frustration from the mayor’s blathering, finally blurted out: “You’re Lying! The bill does offer coverage for pets. I’ve read the darn thing. There’s even funding for little bitty CAT-scan machines, new miniature gurneys, and scooper sterilization equipment.”
The mayor was a bit flummoxed, and looked puzzlingly at his aides with that “What the F@!*!” look. Aides shrugged their shoulders, but deep inside, knew they had been caught trying to sneak one in.
Joe later apologized to the mayor for calling him a dirty rotten unscrupulous liar. The mayor said: “That’s all right. Don’t worry, son, I’ve been called a liar by far better people than you. Besides…how long have you been around involved in the political world? You certainly must know that it is a defacto part of my job description to lie about stuff. C’mon, don’t be so naive. People are gonna start laughing at you behind your back if you keep showing off your greenness. Brown-up, man.”
Joe was hounded by news reporters asking what made him decided to de-pants the mayor in public. He thought about relaying the mayor’s job description comment, but decided to stick with the issue of how we can’t afford pet health care: “I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to subsidize old Rover’s erectile dysfunction meds with my hard-earned tax dollars.”
