January 18th, 2010
Massachusetts senate seat race prompts ‘pants’ strategy
A special election is being held Tuesday in Massachusetts to fill Ted Kennedy’s old Senate seat. Conventional thinking had been that this would be a slam-dunk win for Martha Coakley, the Democrat, who would take over for the temporary appointee Democrat Paul Kirk. But with recent public outcry regarding the socialist agenda being rammed-through in Washington, the Republican challenger Scott Brown has closed the gap, particularly among the Common Sense fringe element in Massachusetts.
The Dems had been panicking, but in their desperation, they believe they have devised a foolproof plan to keep the seat. To show that they are in tune with the public and even a bit hip, the campaign committee announced that they have changed their campaign theme song to “Pants on the Ground”. The song, written by General Larry Platt and introduced to the world during the American Idol show last week, is almost certain to go platinum and win Grammies. Dem strategists want to catch this wave early and use it to their immediate advantage.
The campaign musicologist tweaked some of the lyrics suggesting Republican Brown walks around with his pants on the ground, wears his hat sideways, and flashes his gold teeth. Most voters know that none of it is true. But the campaign is hoping for some sort of subliminal connection when the wavering voter is in the booth scratching his ass.
Dems plan to rent hundreds of large horn speakers that mount on top of cars, and will play their new theme continuously around towns and especially near polling places. They have also asked all campaign workers to dress up in a Pants On The Ground costume theme on Election day, including inserting some fake gold teeth to complete the effect.
The Democratic campaign believes this will be enough to hold onto a thin victory on Tuesday, and avoid losing their fillibuster-proof majority that would undo Obamacare, for sure.
A Republican campaign spokesman was asked to comment, but he just shook his head and said, “Friggin’ idiots…”
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that sound like they could be real.
