December 14th, 2009
Protesters treated for frostbite at Copenhagen Global Warming rally
Bizarreville reporters are on the scene in Copenhagen covering news of a mob, roughly estimated at 100 thousand people, marching in protest at the Global Warming conference. Marchers claim that the weeny-fied global leaders were not doing nearly enough to quell the trend in global warming that will doom our planet.
The frigid weather caused thousands of the disgruntlage to be hospitalized, mostly for frostbite, but some for hypothermia. Many of the knucklehead-fringe spurned overcoats, and came out in tank tops and bermuda shorts for the benefit of the cameras…apparently to illustrate the parching effect of green house gases. To further illustrate, they used some “sunburn red” colored spray-on tan goop to give them a Heat Stroke look. Medical authorities said that this spray crap probably accelerated the onsite of frostbite. It also seemed to mask the purpleness in their extremities, causing a few finger tips to crumble off.
Several protesters showed up with candles and torches, but the torch-bearers were malled by marchers. Their torches were quickly commandeered to provide thawing for the iced keisters and frosty jamungas in the crowd. This sparked-off riots, and police showed up in riot gear and tear gas canisters. There were many complaints about the tear gas, but the police chief responded, “The tear gas canisters did not emit any greenhouse gas whatsoever when they went off.”
The Leader of the Global Warming protest movement took the stage later in the day to speak to his followers.
” I am s-s-s-so h-h-happy that you all have j-j-j-joined this critical m-m-m-movement,” he said as his teeth chattered like a 1966 IBM Selectric typewriter. “Lets-s-s-s not allow this gl-gl-global warm-m-m-ming trend to go unch-ch-ch-challenged. Geez, does anyone have any friggin’ c-c-c-coffee around this place? Get a flunky to run over to that S-S-Starbucks there and get me a Venti…make it two…chop, chop.”
