March 10th, 2010
Rahm Emanuel’s Jaybird strategy
Bizarreville reporters have been able to get the inside scoop to help us all better understand Rahm Emanuel’s new shower strategy to pressure various Dems to vote for the President’s liberaloski agenda. Many pundits had previously thought the shower thing was kind of yang showdown…but further investigation uncovered certain technical problems that made that approach non-feasible.
No, Emanuel is instead trying to break down the shyness barrier that is so prevalent in the country, so that people get more used to the idea of communal showers and public baths. “After all,” Emanuel said, ” it was commonplace in Roman times for citizens to get naked together, bathe with each other, and wash each others’ private parts. Why, two thousand years later, are we so nakedophobic now?”
Communal bathing is a key cornerstone in his future vision for the country. He considers people who have enormous master bathrooms and homes with multiple private toilets as “greedy crappers”. He has mentioned several times that he converted 3 bathrooms in his own home into small apartments for his in-laws, and replaced one small toilet in the remaining head with a communal trough for multi-users. Rahm points out that his family saves 2000 gallons of water per year by these buddy-up conservation measures.
For smirkers, Emanuel responds that his setup will be the model for the future, when water rationing becomes law…probably in Obama’s second term. Meanwhile, he understands that some congressmen will complain about his jaybird strategy. Female congresspeople could not be reached for comment.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction.
