May 26th, 2014
The President’s Anger Management problem
According to a White House spokesman, the President has just been enrolled in Anger Management classes starting next month. He reluctantly agreed to do this when several members of his staff conducted an intervention session with him after a recent round of golf. Shooting a 129 score on 16 holes before giving up on the round after hitting 4 consecutive water balls on #17 had much to do with the intervention action, but the spokesman said there was much more to it than that.
The President has expressed his anger on several recent occasions, sending red flags to staff members. Most recently, he blew up over the VA falsification scandal, and was rumored to have thrown a tuna fish sandwich at the wall when hearing the news. Prior to that, he got mad in the Rose Garden about the failed Obamacare website, and promptly place-kicked 3 beautiful flowers. He popped his cork over the flubs in the Benghazi attack when an ambassador was murdered, and nearly popped a blood vessel when learning about the IRS scheme of targeting conservative groups for intense tax audits. Staffers claimed that there was no one who was more outraged than the President during these screw-ups on his watch. This became a serious warning flag to Insiders who knew that there were so many other crazy angry nutso’s in the world who would have seemed to be angrier than the President on any of those issues.
It was one thing to exhibit a sort of faux-anger about issues on the job…quite another matter to get so kooky angry over a damn game of golf. At one point during the round, after failing to get out of a shallow sand trap on the 3rd occasion, he bent his sand wedge into the shape of a pretzel…not an easy thing to do for a person with normal human strength…unless, of course, the adrenaline was running at extreme flows. A Secret Service agent was not able to return to club to shape, and thereafter, the President played bunker shots with a 4-iron.
Doctors say that conditions like this are treatable with a combination of group therapy, and either ample doses of alcohol or medical marijuana. The spokesman said that the President is considering his options…but points out that, in younger days, the latter seemed to be fairly effective.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that might seem plausible.
