February 11th, 2010
Haiti may not want your lousy aid
The government of Haiti, desperately trying to deal with the horror of the earthquake that hit their poor country, is now struggling with how to manage help from outsiders. The latest flap has to do with the 10 Baptist missionaries who arrived to offer help to many stranded children, but were later accused of kidnapping the children and unceremoniously hauled off to jail. They were all kept under tight lock and key when it was found out that several of the missionaries had been previously guilty of various traffic violations, jaywalking incidents, sneezing without covering their noses, and wearing orange on St. Patricks Day.
This unfortunate incident has caused the Haitian government to begin to question all the aid coming into the country, and whether some of the so-called aid is going to be really good for the country. For example, the government has done intensive investigations and found that much of the donated water is plain tap water, not spring-fed water. Much of the donated beer is light beer, with almost no taste. Cases and cases of Coke have arrived on its shores, but it turns out that over half of it is Diet Coke. Boxes and boxes of Chicken McNuggets have arrived, and no one seems to be able to ascertain what kind of food is in these things.
And it gets worse. Volunteers have arrived supposedly bringing medical supplies. But, the drugs being brought in are not the good, brand-name drugs…they are Generic Drugs, that’s right…thousands and thousands of bottles of plain old generic drugs.
“What are we…not good enough for you?” a Haitian government spokesman cried. “Do you wish to turn us from a 3rd world country into a 4th world country? Light beer? Is that all that we mean to you…to the world? What will you send us next…a crew of 1-legged construction workers to help us rebuild our cities?”
The Haitian government is taking a harder look at donations, aid, and help from all sources. Unfortunately, some of it will have to be turned around, and sent back. Meanwhile its citizens are suffering, and beginning the question the wisdom of their leaders.
The US State Department had no comment on the missionaries situation, but said they are trying to find a processed chicken parts alternate.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are totally fiction.
