July 19th, 2010
Illegal immigration: cracking down or cracking up?
Federal officials have been outspoken about states wanting to take illegal immigration control into their own hands. They have been particularly disturbed about Arizona’s proposed law which would give the right to law enforcement to check residency status for scoundrels who rob a convenience store, drive like reckless maniacs, or beat up an innocent child. Candidates running in primary elections in many other states have stated they support the Arizona law, and would push to have it adopted in their state, if elected.
Government officials have threatened to file law suits over these laws or proposed laws to head them off at the pass. They say that the federal government has firm quotas on how many illegals are allowed to enter the country, and if states start cracking down, they may fall short of meeting their quotas for illegals.
“We had several months last winter where we fell disappointingly short,” said Illegal Immigration Czar Jose Mafunknutz. “We tried to open the borders more, even offered free tacos and beer at several border stations, but still could not seem to draw enough interest. Volume has picked up recently, but we’re afraid that when cold weather starts hitting the midwest, there will be another falloff as the potential aliens elect to just stay home.”
Malfunknutz is very concerned about the potential for profiling if the Arizona law becomes template for other states. “You cannot discriminate against a person just because he or she is involved in drug trafficking, drunken driving, causing a public nuisance by peeing in alleys, or all of the above. That is clearly profiling, and totally illegal. We have staffs of lawyers who will protect the rights of the drunken public pissers to the fullest extent, and warn all police officers that we will go after their badges if they engage in this type of blatant discrimination. Come on…let’s all get along…after all, when people gotta go, they gotta go.”
State governments seem unfazed by the federal sword rattling, and are proceeding with crack-down plans regardless.
All stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem so real.
