October 6th, 2009
Death Panel interviews
Recruiting efforts are now in high-gear to staff up the newly commissioned Death Panels in Bizarreville. As you know, these are the panels that will ultimately decide if grammaw gets that 3rd hip replacement in lieu of a nicely rehabbed wheelchair…or if grampaw should get that appendix removed today, or just wait in line and hope for the best. The Death Panel program has been a popular concept, particularly among the younger people, as a means of reducing spiralling health care costs and frankly helping solve the impending Social Security ballooning problem. Critics have called it harsh, but became less vocal when it became apparent that Leaders were taking names.
Interviewers say that they’re looking for a strong set of Defiant Uber-ssertive skills in candidates for the job. “You cannot be a bleeding heart, bed-wetting baby who wants his pacifier. We will be looking for people with proven track records of starting fights in bars, climbing over weak people for promotions, telling the boss to Shove It, frantically yelling at Town Hall meetings, telling panhandlers to Get a Job, honking at bike riders…you get the idea. If it happens they’ve pulled the plug on a close relative in the past…well, that would certainly earn bonus points. Candidates with previous Boy Scout or Girl Scout experience probably should not apply. People who have formerly coached Little League or any other kids sport should only apply if they can show that they yelled at the kids and quit at mid-season out of sheer frustration.”
Interviews will begin today at 2pm at the Hospital Emergency room. Warning to all would-be candidates…interviewers will be closely watching you as you enter the ER. Don’t fall into the trap by having a sympathetic look on your face as you walk by the pathetic moaner doubled-up in pain, or the young child bleeding out his ears. It’s a test. Keep that “Whatever…” look, and you’ll be good to go. Good luck to all.
