November 8th, 2009
Unemployment solutions dismissed as ‘work beneath us’
Bizarreville leaders are perplexed about what next to do, now that unemployment has tipped over 10 percent. They are belatedly all realizing that their so-called “stimulation” just stimulated themselves. Citizens are getting pretty tired of watching all the self-stimulation by these guys, and are demanding something new.
One proposal was to do some work on Pothole Boulevard, a road that has fallen into major disrepair over many years. The suggestion was made to have the Unemployed with shovels and wheelbarrows filling the 16 gazillion potholes that have turned the boulevard into a slalom course. But critics argue that if you fill the potholes, we would have to change the name of the street, entailing huge costs of re-signage, new maps, GPS changes, retraining, and so on.
Besides, “Patchhole Boulevard” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Another suggestion was to have the Out-of-Work form clean-up teams to clean up the filth and grossness in some of the East side neighborhoods….trash, garbage, animal feces, beer cans, wee wee …just pick up the junk and power-clorox-wash the whole freaking place. But opponents argue that won’t solve the root cause of the problem: people treating their neighborhoods like pig stys. It will all just get re-messed a few weeks later, and return to Filth-boro.
A third idea was to turn them into entrepreneurs by planting vegetable gardens at the Bizarreville Landfill, and setting up veggie stands to peddle their harvests. But nay-sayers responded that growing any kind of food on that nasty landfill would probably be laced with carcinogens, mad cow diseases, and purple fungus. “No one’s gonna eat that sh*!#.”
It was becoming abundantly clear that the unemployed really did not want to do this kind of stuff…much simpler to stay at home and collect unemployment checks. “That kind of work is way beneath us. We’ve come a long way, and no way we’re going back in that direction,” said an Association for the Unemployed spokesperson. “Are those nacho cheese chips over there? Yeah…pass ’em here.”
