October 12th, 2026
Texas Senate Race is Tight
In a surprise development, James Talarico appears to have surged to a polling lead in the U. S. Senate race in Texas. Talarico is a left-wing Democrat in a state that is usually a bellwether of conservatism. His strong support of legalizing marijuana, if elected, is believed to be a primary factor in gaining voter support… particularly among young people who love those gummies.
Talarico has also been a solid proponent for letting boys compete in girls’ sports. “James has known many wimpy boys in his life who could never make a men’s varsity team,” a staff member for Talarico has stated. “Allowing them to compete against girls is their only hope. You’ve got to give them an opportunity.”
He would like to see an increase in taxes, pointing out that the top 10 percent of taxpayers only currently pay 76 percent of all income tax in the country. He’d like these rich people to pay the full bill. He likes the idea of a “free” government health program which he calls Medicare for Y’all. He thinks using a little southern lingo in the program name will get it to slide through. Opponents say he is being patronizing and condescending, and respond, “Bless your heart.”
During his brief stint in the Texas House of Representatives, Talarico was very active, sponsoring a bill that standardized school recess policy for all students and all schools in Texas. He said that focusing on the education system was a valuable learning experience. Kids loved him because they gained an average 3.7 minutes of recess per day.
Texas Republicans are scratching their heads to figure a way to stop this Talarico momentum, but they do not have nearly as many fringe groups to appeal to, and a fraction of the campaign funding. It should be an interesting contest.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even political stories where truth is somewhat ambiguous.
