February 4th, 2014
The Interview: outakes
bo: Mr. President, how can you live with yourself when you know all these citizens are losing their Health Care insurance?
BO: You can ask that kind of question to anybody. For example, how do you live with yourself after being so disrespectful and mean to the President?
bo: Everyone hates the Health Care program. It was a total screw-up of Biblical proportions. Moses could not have dreamed up a plague on the Egyptians this bad.
BO: Yeah, but it’s getting better.
bo: Let’s turn to Benghazi. Another total screw-up where no one is being held accountable for lives lost, sir.
BO: Okay. You made your point. Tell you what…tomorrow I’m going to hold someone accountable for that mess-up: the Secretary of State at the time. What was her name again? I’ll go ahead and dock her pay.
bo: It’s higher than that. It’s you. You were told that this was a terrorist attack, and it took hours, too many hours, to get something going to protect your people, our people. By then it was too late.
BO: Yeah, I think I crashed early that night. Had a few brewskis with a couple of your pundit buddies at Fox earlier that evening. They are much more fun than you, by the way. They had bigger morning hangovers than me, though, from what I heard.
bo: And then, there is the whole immigration issue that seems to be going nowhere because nobody really cares about it.
BO: Ask me if I care.
bo: Do you care?
BO: Sure. Next question…
bo: How about the Super Bowl. Who are you favoring and why?
BO: As President, I cannot say that I favor any one team over the other. If I do, I get hate mail from the other side, and threats to never vote for my party again for the rest of their lives. So…no football picks. I will be rooting for Willard Shmelberg in the National Bowl-off Tournament. He’s from DC. Saw him juggle bowling balls at a Press Club dinner last year. Amazing guy.
bo: Thank you, Mr. President. I can tell that our heart is in the right place.
BO: Yeah, it’s right there in the middle of the chest. I knew a guy who had his heart in his lower intestine area. Didn’t have the rib cage for protection, but had about 15 layers of fat, so probably worked out to be about the same. Creeped out doctors when they tried to use their stethoscope on him, and he started moving their hand down his frame.
bo: Thank you…Cut.
