bizarreville

The cornerstone of the Obamanomic energy strategy is the construction of 212 thousand windmills nationwide.  This will allow the permanent closure of 82% of all nasty coal-fired power plants, and all the carbon dioxide emissions and whatever other pollutants that they spew out.  When completed, no longer will these smoke-belchers be the #1 source of carbon dioxide; that distinction will then fall to human beings (no plan has yet been suggested how to combat that menace).  The administration promises to retain the legions of unemployed coal mine workers , and transform them into jolly windmill operators and mechanics, outfitted in wooden shoes and suspendered shorts…after, of course, they wash their faces.

The new windmills will pretty much blanket the land, making the landscape look like some sort of new Holland on a Red Bull binge.  The blades will be mounted high enough to assure they don’t decapitate farmers or scalp the top off RV’s and cheesewagons.  Unfortuntately, the noise will sound like the groans of 10 million stomach growls amplified by an Aerosmith PA system.  “It makes you hungry when you hear it,” a senior engineer on the project stated.

The windmills will meet most of the nation’s electrical power demand, except those occasions of calm, windless summer days when citizens may be forced to turn off their air conditioners and go back to manual shavers, can openers, and dish washers.  Citizens will just need to relax until things start blowing again.  “It will be like outdoor camping:  go fishing with the kids, take a hike, tell a ghost story, or something,” an insider suggested.

The Energy Committee had also considered solar power prior to making the windmill choice, but realized there were just too many cloudy days to pull it off.  This strategy, however, may be revisited once they run out of wind…provided, of course, that the windmills don’t block too much of the sunlight.

Detractors point out that all this is not “free” energy.  The cost to build and maintain these enormous units is twice the cost of fossil fuel equivalents, on a per-megawatt basis.  But the administration points out that the new units end up cheaper because they are taxed at a lower rate.

The windmill strategy, combined with the Obamanomic transfixion on electric cars replacing gasoline counterparts, will then eliminate dependence on foreign oil.  In Obamanomic thinking, this is so elegantly simple that it is surprising that it hadn’t been thought of sooner.  Another creative brainstorm being funded by Obamanomic tax dollars is the idea of mounting small windmills on top of car roofs.  “The faster the car moves, the more those little windmill blades will spin,” claimed Obamanomic Science Czar and Distinguished Professor of Entreprenerdial Studies at Bizarreville University, Dr. Eldnoid Milkfunk.  “We could get to where the automobile becomes energy self-sufficient above 45 mph.  Think of that!”

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even grand visions of windmills.