bizarreville

It’s finally come out.  Mayor Badoinker has dementia.  Yes, it’s true.  His closest Aides have been refusing to admit it, claiming the 3-minukte lapse in his recent debate against Challenger Harump was just a reminiscing episode of when he drove for Penske in the Indy 500.  Of course, he never drove for Penske in the Indy 500, never drove any kind of race car, never actually drove a car sportier than the AMC Gremlin GT that he won in a poker tournament.  At least, that’s where he said he won the Gremlin.  Other sources claim he won the Gremlin as 3rd prize at a church raffle.

Vice-Mayor Fumblina Ferris has said that she never suspected that the Mayor was experiencing any sort of scatterbrain malfunction.  And she meets with him every day.  She says that Mayor Badoinker will often spout-off long strings of gibberish, but she was thinking that was normal lib-speak.  Besides, she normally nods off and does not pay 100 percent attention to him during his drifty rambles.  Ferris says that he would always speak 4 or 5 words that made sense, so she kinda/sorta knew what he was trying to say.  She uses the same approach when listening to her husband.

The Mayor’s personal doctor was asked why he did not disclose Badoinker’s malady.  The doctor said that he DID disclose it… to the Mayor himself.  But, most likely, the Mayor forgot it by the time he left the room.

Many people have said that they could tell that the Mayor was having health issues.  They say they noticed he had been losing weight and stuffing pillows under his shirt to disguise the weight-loss.  Most observers could spot the pillow buttons popping through the shirt, a dead giveaway.

Badoinker has so far refused to withdraw from the upcoming election race.  He says that the Drug companies are brewing-up new concoctions all the time, and figures they’ll cook-up some sort of elixir by home stretch time.  He says if he can get his brain working at 30 to 40 percent, that should be good enough for any politician.  After all, we’re not talking about a NASA rocket builder here.  Not even talking about a Lego rocket builder.

His Party members are worried that voters will abandon him if he trips coming out of the limousine and falling flat on his face one more time.  A senior member recently tried to convince him to bow-out, but he said that he has forgotten how to bow.

“No, Sir, I meant drop out of the race,” the Party official said.

“Am I running a 5K or 10K race?  And can someone grab me a water bottle?” the Mayor asked.

“No, Sir, you are not in an actual running race.  You’re sitting here at your desk.”

“How did I place?  Did I win?  You know, I used to be an Olympic marathon runner.  Won about 3 gold medals and 2 Bronzes.  The Bronzes would have been Gold, except some runner from Canada stepped on my foot.  Those darn Cheeseheads.”

“Cheeseheads are people from Wisconsin, Sir.”

“Is that what we’re having for lunch?  Sounds delicious.”