January 5th, 2014
Fat People on Airlines
Northfunk Airlines announced yesterday, amid growing numbers of complaints from customers who are forced to sit next to obnoxiously fat people on flights, a new policy to deal with the obese. The Northfunk airplanes have been internally modified to make the back two rows of seats extra wide for the 300-pounders who fly. These seats, called the Fat Boy Specials, will be required seating for the enormous bulk set. defined as any passenger weighing more than 300 pounds. A $75 surcharge will be assessed for these thick passengers occupying Fat Boy Specials. Normal weight people will also be able to spend the $75 on the seats after all the chunksters have been seated, depending on availability.
The airline said that previous attempts to deal with fat people on a voluntary basis were unsuccessful. The airline had asked obese riders to purchase two seats in the past, but none complied. Fat passengers just bought a single seat, and let gravity take over. The barrage of complaints from customers who were getting squished by rolls of sweaty fat spilling over their armrests, made the company decide to finally take action. Weigh scales will be placed at the entry doors in their terminals.
The AFA immediately threatened to file a lawsuit, citing discrimination against the minority group of “hungry overeaters”, just because of their slow metabolism medical conditions. A Northfunk spokesman said that they still want fat people to ride their planes, unless total weight limits are exceeded, or jetways are unable to support the weight.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction…so far as we know.
