March 11th, 2010
Toyota’s new strategy: make bumper cars
Toyota executives, tired and stressed-out from the continuing flap over alleged accelerator pedal sticking and faulty brake systems on their hybrid and other cars, have been huddling and finally announced an exciting new strategy for their company. They plan to take all the recalled hybrids and convert them to electric bumper cars for the amusement parks around the world.
“It was a logical choice,” the Head Marketing manager for Toyota spouted. “Bumper cars are pedal-to-the-metal vehicles all the time that never require let up on the throttle, and certainly do not need braking. Why spend jillions of dollars trying to find some alleged needle in the haystack problem…then be faced with class-action lawsuit after class-action lawsuit from the idiots out there who probably just forgot to take their friggin foot off the gas?”
A spokesman for the United Bumper Car Association was concerned that the typical Prius is a bit too big for the current bumper car electro-tracks, and if placed along side conventional bumper cars, may in fact run them over…crushing the riders in the smaller car. Toyota engineers agree, and suggest that the old-style cars adopt roll bars and roll-over protection enhancements that would prevent such a catastrophe. “I’m frankly surprised that the bumper cars don’t have such protection now,” an engineer said.
Toyota strategists think this could rekindle the bumper car business, and may open up a brand new market for family fun. They are considering building new, larger bumper car tracks near NASCAR venues to attract customers looking for an experience that is more than just spectating.
The Demolition Derby Association has also been asking about making a deal with Toyota for recalled cars, but thus far no deal has been reached.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction.
