February 4th, 2026
Minnesota Open Door Policy
In order to strengthen his Anti-ICE position and his desire to keep Minnesota a sanctuary state for illegal immigrant criminals, Governor Walz had told federal authorities to “bring ’em all here.” Walz has opened the Minnesota borders for all immigration agents throughout the country to round-up the sleazy criminals and deliver them to Minneapolis. “Every one of those poor immigrants has value, whether it be supplying cheap dope or conniving schemes to shakedown government funds, that can be put to use for our citizens here,” Walz said. “It’s part of our Minnesota Dream, to find ways to spread our something-for-nothing belief system, and also to keep our people high while we’re at it.”
Walz backers have cautioned him not to be so blatant when it comes to supporting illegal activities. They warn that he could get thrown into prison for violating a number of statutes. “Let them try,” Walz has responded. “I’ve got thousands of Minnesota citizens who will support me… and thousands of paid professional agitators who will shield me, using hockey sticks to beat down any law enforcement thugs who try to haul me away.”
Meanwhile, truckloads of murderers, drug dealers, and armed robbers have begun showing up at Minneapolis City Hall. The mayor has established an Express Lane for these thugs to get quickly processed and returned back on the streets where they can get back to their nefarious activity. The new Minnesotans have promised to vote Democratic in future elections to compensate for this gift of freedom.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but it kinda makes you wonder.
