bizarreville

The Chairman of the 1st Bizarreville Bank, Jay Foul, says that he is NOT going to reduce interest rates, in spite of the continuing good news that Inflation is steadily declining.  Jay says that the Bank has a rich history of waiting until the economy turns into spoiled tuna salad before acting to help.  When asked when the Bank WILL begin dropping rates, he responded, “Smell the tuna, and you’ll know.”

The higher interest rates have all but killed the housing market, especially for low and middle-income people who must obtain highly leveraged mortgages.  These people have begun calling Mr. Foul an Uncle Tom, but it has had little effect on him.  The fact is, Foul has an actual Uncle Tom who once bought him a lime-green 10-speed bicycle for Christmas.  So, he has a fondness for the name, reminiscing about that joyful Christmas morning every time he hears someone shout out, “You’re an Uncle Tom!”  Often, he’ll reply: Thank you.

Some of the Bank’s Board of Directors are splitting-off from Foul’s tough stance, and are openly communicating to the media about their disagreement.  Foul has told them that if they don’t like his policy, to go buy a Bitcoin.  That kind of hateful rhetoric is never appropriate in an esteemed financial institution like 1st Bizarreville Bank.  One Director responded back, “Yeah, well I hope one of your depositors comes into your bank with a thousand pennies.”  See, that’s hitting below the belt.

Meanwhile, the Economy is smelling tuna-ish, with Unemployment numbers rising, consumer spending declining, and credit card defaults spiking up.  Normally, these factors would indicate a Recession is on its way.  But Foul says he’s still having to wait in long lines in the checkout lane at the grocery store, so the Economy can’t be that bad.  When one reporter suggested that the long lines could be caused by the grocery store manager laying off some of their checkout employees, Foul said he doesn’t subscribe to conspiracy theories like that, at least until they make a movie about them.

“If I go to the movie theater and see the mobsters who took out Lee Harvey Oswald working a scheme to eliminate grocery store clerks, then I’ll be a believer.”  Foul then smirked at the reporter, implying he was jacking with him.  The reporter then whispered, “I hope that clerk gives you the wrong change.”  Lot of anger out there.