August 29th, 2019
New Tariffs on Chinese Soy Sauce
The President recently announced his intention to ratchet up the trade war with China another couple notches by enacting a 200 percent tariff on soy sauce. He did not say if this was a reaction to China’s imposing their own tariff on soy beans, but logic would suggest that the soy sauce tariff would fit his retaliatory strategy when dealing with snotty-ish opponents. With tariffs going both ways on soy (beans and sauce), the price of soy sauce will skyrocket.
Chinese restaurant owners were furious when they heard the news. “This will absolutely kill our take-out business,” one owner complained. “No one is going to want to eat Egg Foo Young naked.” When asked whether the tariffs will impact their sit-down business, he said that no one gets tables anymore because the place stinks too bad; they just grab the bag and run. He said they are thinking about turning their dining room into a fitness center with treadmills, so that customers waiting for orders have something to do.
The Administration has encouraged Chinese restauranteurs to experiment with new sauces, such as salsa or guacamole. “You might discover a whole new food genre that you could call ‘Chexican’…General Tso chicken with enchilada sauce and sweet/sour refried beans. Who wouldn’t love a Moo Goo Taco with some Mexican fried rice? Could be a huge hit with people who are always looking for the next big thing. Serendipity.”
It’s still early to tell whether the soy sauce tariff will be a real tariff or a fake tariff. Meanwhile, the woks in the Chinese kitchens may start smelling like cilantro.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, at least when originally written.
