September 23rd, 2016
The Debates are coming
As the 2 candidates get ready for their first head-to-head debate, pundits are licking their saliva glands, readying themselves to parse every phrase, every choice of word, figure out how to take it completely out of context, and dream up a creative misinterpretation of the point, while drawing a conclusion on which fringe group or groups will be offended by it. They have hired out-of-work creative Hollywood writers out of failed sitcom TV shows by the dozens to help weave somethings out of nothings…a skill they are certainly proficient at…sparing no expense. Fortunately, the unemployed writers come pretty cheap. Turns out, most are also very good at making coffee and running down to the bagel shop.
At the moment, handlers for Hillary are developing contingency plans in case she passes out, or has a chow-blowing incident on stage. “We’re not saying we think it’s going to happen,” one senior flunkie said, “but given her recent faking-not-being-sick incidents, we must be prepared for a sudden breakdown…especially when Trump starts forcing her to answer real questions…something she has not had to deal with thus far. If she starts doing that weird fake laugh, that is a signal to be ready to move in, stat.”
Meanwhile, Donald says he does not want a lot of prep, suggesting that the audience gets bored to sleep when candidates start popping off useless facts and figures. He said his mission is to keep people awake, and discourage them from flipping the channel to the equally boring Atlanta Falcons Monday night game. He is thinking about tweeting football score updates while Hillary is talking, just to keep himself awake.
Disclaimer: All stories in Bizarreville are fiction, as far as we know.
Special note to Bizarreville Nation: Our new book is now available on Amazon. Lame Duck is the story of 3 fellows in their last week before retirement…a corporate CEO, a renowned medical doctor, and the President of the US…who get wrapped up in a wild, whacky crisis…just as they were getting ready to hit the La-Z-Boy. Make it a gift for a friend.
