November 5th, 2022
Mt. Flushmore
Architects around the world are being solicited to submit bids for a new memorial carving, to be sculpted in the mountains of Oregon, with a working title of Mt. Flushmore. The carving will display the heads of the 3 worst U. S. Presidents in history: Joe Biden, Jimmy Carter, and Herbert Hoover. This will provide a needed cultural balance to the sculpture at Mt. Rushmore, displaying 4 heads of some of the best Presidents.
Hoover, of course, was the President who managed to kick off the Great Depression, and did absolutely nothing to change the country’s course as it sank into near ruin. Carter was nicknamed the Malaise President for his incompetence in dragging the country’s morale to new lows, while watching interest rates skyrocket to 17 percent. Biden, however, is currently seen as the worst President of the three, mainly because of his brain meltdown and allowing radical morons to run the government and turn the country into a mess of high inflation, no border security, and high crime in all major cities. The 3, in combination, certainly paint a picture of legendary pathetic leadership.
The sculpture is being funded by the Association of Major Losers (AML), who in the past have supported many left-wing, ultra-liberal candidates for Congress, mostly who ended up losing their elections. The Association believes that it is unconstitutional to keep focusing on winners/achievers in our society… a policy which tends to make normal people feel inadequate, inept, and stupid. The sculpture will encourage citizens as they gaze upon the artwork, to believe that, at least, they are not as bad as Hoover, Carter, or Biden.
“Giving prominence to these 3 morons,” an AML spokesman said, “who almost singlehandedly drove the country into oblivion, gives a sense of pride to the millions of Average-minus people out there, who can see that there were high-ranking people who were way, way worse than them. They can then realize that being mediocre ain’t so bad.”
Some citizens in rural Oregon have opposed erecting the monument in their backyard, feeling that it will attract the scumbuckets of the land to visit there, and goober-up their homeland. They suggest putting the sculpture in the ghetto of New York City, or Hoboken, or some other scummy place like that.
“We can’t do that,” the AML spokesman said. “There are no mountains in either of those cities.”
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, just in case you were thinking this was a national media story.
