July 24th, 2021
No More Press Conferences
After totally screwing up last week’s “Town Hall” meeting, the President has told his handlers to not schedule any more public speaking events. His staff had previously thought that the totally-scripted town hall would be pud for the President to handle. All he had to do was follow the scripted answers to the pre-selected softball questions, and get off the stage. Unfortunately, the President got confused, fumbled all his answered, babbled, and looked like a moron. Even his closest supporters, the national media, admitted that the White House Janitor could have done a better job.
Staff members agreed that the best thing for him to do was to stay cooped-up in the White House, away from cameras, and more importantly, away from microphones. They suggested that he communicate via Twitter, with all his entries composed by senior left-wing staffers. They say that the Twitter precedent was already set by the previous President. And, while the previous President was soundly criticized by the media for using this format, the current President should be able to pull it off by continually showing his wokeness in his messaging.
Insiders also suggest he spend more time at the Delaware White House with the dogs. Dogs love him, regardless of what he says or does, as long as he keeps feeding them bacon-flavored doggie treats. They are always there to lick his hand, reminding him that there is someone who still loves him. But keep those treats handy, pal.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, in spite of what the media says.
