February 5th, 2010
Is it War on Terror, or what?
For the past year, the Administration has purposely avoided the term ‘War on Terror’ when describing the war on terror, mainly because it was a term coined by the Bushites. So, four weeks ago, they launched a contest to all citizens to come up with a new creative name for this Whatever thing against Whoever. The first prize is a week stay in the luxurious William Henry Harrison room in the White House basement, plus a royalty arrangement whereby he/she will get 1 cent for every time the new phrase gets used by a government official.
Entries were supposed to have been closely guarded, but our intrepid investigators have searched through White House trash receptacles to find some of those ideas that have made the first cut:
– Jacking with the Jihad bags – Skirmish with the psycho-challenged – Dancing with the Scars – Diddling with the Diddlewankers – War on Thugs – Klutzomania – One big cluster you-know-what – World Snore I – The Snivel WarCritics have expressed outrage with this silliness, and cannot understand why the Administration just won’t stay with War on Terror. But officials argue back, “Who is ‘terror’? Is that some high school bully who gives you a wedgie? Is that a graffiti creep who scratches obscenities in john stalls? You can’t be that ambiguous when it comes to this kind of thing. Plus, we need something a little catchy.”
White House staffers are considering retaining Marketing wizards that dream up snazzy names for new cars to submit ideas. This would include those legendary visionaries who came up with such beauties as LeBaron, Fierenza, Cobalt, Cordoba, Tempo, LTD2, and Edsel. They feel certain that these folks will come up with at least one LeBaron-quality idea.
They have also tried to enlist Muhammed Ali to come up with a clever “Rumble in the Jungle” kind of phraseology, but allegedly he told them to kiss off.
Insiders say that results should be finalized by next week, at which time they can start developing posters, buttons, and banners.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem real.
