February 24th, 2020
Democrats Nervous about Latest Bernie Wins
Establishment Democrats are sweating bullets following Bernie Sanders’ surprise landslide in Nevada. They say that it was one thing for the self-proclaimed pinko Communist to stir up emotions in fringe liberal kooks… far another thing for him to be their actual, for-real party leader… who would take the country on the road to becoming another Cuba, or Venezuela, or Greece, albeit with better fast food joints. His recent praising of the nutcase Fidel Castro drew even more concerns with the mental health of the guy, especially when he said he was considering growing a beard and buying one of those Fidel hats.
Bernie, who brings a rich personal history of laziness, loafiness, sponging-off others most of his life, has been an attractive candidate for the underbelly of American voters… literally a poster child of underachievement. These citizens relish the ideas of free food, free dope, free health care, free college, free day-care, while not having to endure the hardship of working for a living. Sanders has now brought many young people into the fold, who had majored in Aztec Music Theory, and now have been only able to find a job flipping fake-meat burgers to slowly pay off their student loans. They also want the right to sing off-key chants at work, even if it bothers co-workers.
“It’s not fair that people with real jobs get off paying such low taxes, while the rest of us have to smell their exhaust,” one music theorist complained. “We need a leader who will elevate our culture and glorify the music of the Aztecs, Incas, and even the oft-forgotten Eskimos, so that the rest of us can participate in the American dream.”
Meanwhile, Democrat insiders are worried that Bernie’s appeals to the Hobo Left may turn off some of the more normal Democrat voters. Many of these normal people don’t want to lose their current health card program, and have it replaced with an incompetently-run government system with a Death-Squad determining what would or wouldn’t be covered. Some young voters have countered that a Death Squad would, at least, create jobs… at the front-end and the back-end of the process.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, and are probably less scary than the real stories.
