February 12th, 2020
Elizabeth Warren about ready to hang it up
Elizabeth Warren, after devastating losses in the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, appears about ready to hang up her campaign for the Democratic nomination for President. Her messages of increasing taxes on every person who has a savings account or a share of stock, providing health care for pet dogs, cats, and gerbils, adopting a forgive/forget program for terrorists and human traffickers, and closing all power plants in the country in order to reduce climate change were widely supported early in her campaign, but seem to have fallen on deaf ears lately. On top of that, her “angry lady” style of communicating has prompted some former supporters to suggest that she try going on Valium for a while… or spend some time in Colorado and sample some of their new agricultural products.
Her tactics in New Hampshire were borderline crazy, saying on one hand that the Democrats should stop fighting with each other and find common ground to win the election… then on the other hand, producing a variety of ads attempting to decimate her opponents by pointing out their considerable weaknesses and shortcomings.
“If you’re going to point out weaknesses, you should go for the jugular, and start giving opponents harsh, ridiculously cruel, insensitive nicknames,” one Aide suggested. “It has been proven that goofy nicknames create a lot of laughter, and laughter is the key to a winning strategy. Look at the last election…say no more.”
It may be too late for Warren to make a dramatic tactical change and save her campaign. But it is something to consider for a possible 2024 run. And it is not too early to start that process now.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but they are still fun to imagine.
