February 4th, 2020
Dopey Democratic Iowa Caucus, Dopey Slate
The poor Democrats are having a bad week so far. The much-anticipated Iowa Caucus for the Democratic Presidential hopefuls fell apart in chaos on Monday when organizers were unable to total up results from the fractured, frenzied process. Part of the problem was that, if a candidate did not achieve a threshold percentage in a given district, the candidate was labeled as “Not Viable.” Turns out, none of the candidates, in fact, is really viable, and that caused their computerized tally system to discombobulate. The leading candidates were heard saying, “I’m viable, I’m viable, I’m viable,” but by then, their system could not undo the chaos. The Democratic candidates are now headed for New Hampshire, where they have agreed to have a big snowball fight to determine how the New Hampshire delegates are divvied up.
Meanwhile, the Democrats in Congress are looking particularly stupid as they fumbled their attempt at impeachment of the President using fake news, fake depositions, and fake data. They were reportedly dumbfounded that the fake news approach did not work this time, considering it has been so successful in the past. Dem leadership has vowed to find some new fake news and new fake witnesses to make another try later this year. One way or the other, they feel, they say they can find something/anything to overturn the election. Their constituents, many who admit to being proud ignoramuses, expect nothing less from their elected officials.
The Democratic candidates are hoping that the next impeachment run can happen before the nomination conventions in the summer, so that they can get the kind of chaos going that will be like the chaos in Iowa this week. But they are not able to spend much time talking about it now, because they are busy gathering snowballs for their arsenal.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, just like the fake stuff in politics nowadays.
