bizarreville

Bizarreville Nation,

The long-awaited book has arrived.  I Hate My Job is the latest novel from Bizarreville Press, featuring more business/social satire, and imbedded with our acclaimed zany cartoons.  It will make an excellent gift to a friend who may be less than 100% satisfied with their lousy job, their creepy coworkers, or their idiot boss.  It is an excellent read for people suffering from COVID-related job loss, or who have been forced to work from home without any real supervision… who have some spare time on their hands, and could use a lift-me-up.  As always, the book is available on Amazon, easily accessible by clicking the book cover in the right column that will take you to the exact site for simple ordering ——>

The President, in his inauguration speech, promised that his Administration would focus on Unity in mending the hard feelings from the campaign and election.  Many in the audience felt that this was one of the best inauguration speeches ever, as he recognized the deep divides, while also pointing out the enormous common ground that people shared.  For about 4 hours, one could feel real cohesion happening.

In keeping with his Unity theme, the President proceeded to head to the Oval Office, and signed 17 Executive Orders that showed his willingness to try to unify the Hard Left, the Staunch Left, and the Pretty-Dern Left factions.  But, unfortunately, things quickly started unraveling when he met with some of the various left-wing leaders.

His decision to stop the Mexican wall construction was objected to by the Hard Left, who wanted to blow up the 500 miles of recently-built wall.  The order to unblock to Muslim travel ban restriction was generally seen as favorable by all the groups.  However, some among the Staunch Left wanted to use the multitude of docked cruise ships to usher the Muslims into the country in a comfortable way, rather than having them rely on rafts or kayaks to travel here.

The President’s revoking of the Keystone Pipeline permit and putting moratoriums on oil/gas leases did not go nearly far enough for all the Left-wing groups, who wished to see a complete shutdown of all fossil fuel burners and an instant conversion to windmills.  The President asked them to give him a little time, but the leaders showed impatience, got a little unruly, and eventually had to be restrained by members of the Secret Service.

The moratorium on home evictions/foreclosures on a temporary basis was supported by the Pretty-Dern Left.  But the Hard Left and the Staunch Left wanted him to take one more step, and eliminate private property ownership altogether.  This ended up in a big debate, with the President finally agreeing on a compromise to put price controls on all forms of housing, and zero-percent mortgages for first-time buyers.

There is still much work to be done to coalesce all the key factions, and achieve Unity.  The President has recommitted to accomplishing this unity thing, as promised in his inaugural address, and believes it can all be done in the next 100 days.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, and so are not to be considered Fake News.

The President-elect just announced his plans to staff a new cabinet-level position titled the Secretary of Hypocrisy and Double Standards.  This position will advise all cabinet members, government officials, and liberal members of Congress on the proper use of hypocrisy in all communications.  The Secretary will also oversee the management of all Double Standard legislation that is expected to be generated in the next 4 years.

2020 demonstrated an excellent use of hypocrisy by liberal leaders, especially in response to COVID restrictions.  The governor of California was seen mask-less in large gatherings, in spite of his proclamation that normal Californians were to fully lock down, and even cancel family get-togethers.  Speaker Pelosi was seen at her hairdresser, violating the state’s prohibitions on this activity.  Acts of violence in Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Minneapolis, and many other cities were strongly supported and encouraged by libs, legitimized because the burnings/lootings were all done for proper causes.  While these hypocritic acts were generally applauded by liberals in public statements, in private, they worried that many citizens might be unaware that government leaders were allowed to have “special passes.”  Clearly, hypocrisy rules need to be better communicated and tightly controlled in the near future.

The same is true on Double Standards.  Many citizens seem oblivious to the legitimacy of double standards.  They often mistakenly feel that what is improper on one side, should be improper on the other… not realizing the dire need to have different standards, depending on the importance of the cause.  Any cause related to giving certain oppressed groups special privileges, allowing illegal aliens to have better rights than citizens, or allowing criminals to go free if the prisons do not offer cable TV, Internet, and individualized personal trainers, for example, is to be granted Double Standard Exemption status.  And, there will be many other causes deserving a Double Standard Exemption, and some that are not deserving.  So, these cases must be managed… and this is why the new Cabinet position is necessary.

Opponents have been silent, realizing anything they say could cause their social media account to be blocked.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, at the time of writing.

Liberal groups from around the country are pouring in millions of dollars to help get 2 unknown whack-jobs elected in the Georgia Senate runoff race.  Prior to November 3rd, no one had heard of these 2 radical numbskulls.  But now, because the two could make the difference in terms of who holds the majority in the Senate, the new love affair has erupted.  They have even become “best friends” with Obama.

Normally, Georgia would be an easy win for Republican Senate candidates, because of the conservative nature of voters there.  However, with recent strides by Democrats to fight against disenfranchisement of dead people, 17-year olds, ex-Georgians who moved out of state, illegal aliens, and phantom voters too lazy to get a picture ID, the vote is expected to be close.  Dems are taking no changes, however, and have enlisted ex-convicts to figure new ways to get phony mailed-in votes into the system, springing off how well they did this in November.  Hollywood millionaires have agreed to foot the bill for these scoundrels through Cuban bank accounts that they insist will be untraceable, even by Watergate-level investigative reporters.

Meanwhile, Georgia residents have been bludgeoned by a tsunami of boring political TV commercials, explaining why socialism isn’t so bad, why more taxes are so good, and why police should be defunded and replaced with kumbaya singing in all communities.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but some seem more real than others.

With the COVID crisis continuing, and cases on the rise, there is more reason than ever to shelter at home in front of a fire, and read a good book.  Or, in our case, read a crazy book.  Aren’t you ready for some humor and satire in your life right now?  There is only so much griping, whining, bellyaching, and grousing that the body can take.  It needs humor to balance out all the garbage and nonsense you get exposed to daily.

So, click on one of the book covers in the right column over there —>, and when your book arrives from Amazon, sit back, and have a little fun.  Will make you feel better until a vaccine arrives… maybe even after.

Ex-mayor and current President of Whack Jobs Anonymous Michael Bloomberg announced that he will pay the fines of 32 thousand convicted felons in Florida so they can vote in the upcoming Election.  The billionaire, with more money than brain cells, said that this is part of his decision to dump $100 million in the State of Florida to help pull Pathetic Joe’s campaign out of the mung pond.

Later, he said that he would also be providing these felons with free 3-day passes to Disney World and loan them tents to pitch out at the Disney Fort Wilderness Campground.  One group of felons asked if Bloomberg would spring for free bottles of wine, but the Whack Job President replied that they were on their own on the wine issue.

“I had to draw the line somewhere with these people.  Otherwise, next thing you know, they would be asking me for free condos on South Beach.  Hey, I want their vote… not a marriage proposal.”

Opponents argue that this process of essentially bribing people to get their vote is illegal, and the mere act of proposing it puts Bloomberg at risk of prosecution.  Bloomberg says he is not worried.  Even if he gets tossed in jail, he has sufficient connections with judges and wardens who are always looking for a little extra cash on the side.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but are generally acceptable as Fake News.

Democrat leaders have finally concluded that Nancy Pelosi has completely flipped her lid, and have decided to commit her to a local DC insane asylum.  Two oversized behemoths showed up at her office to haul her away, as she was seen/heard kicking and screaming, “No Trump bodyguards are shutting me up, or locking me up.  My friends in the Illegal Alien Community will not let this stand!”

The latest tipping point occurred when Pelosi went ballistic over Trump’s announced plans to submit a Supreme Court nominee to replace Justice Ginsberg.  She threatened to initiate impeachment hearings immediately, if Trump proceeds with the nomination.  It is, of course, the President’s constitutional duty to make such a nomination.  But Pelosi claimed that this clause was yet another example of the numerous flaws in the Constitution.

Democrats, who have also spoken against Trump’s plan to announce a nominee, nevertheless felt that the impeachment threat was the clearest example of the Speaker’s mental derangement… an unfortunate deterioration in mental capacity that had begun when she ripped up the President’s State of the Union speech on live TV, and continued with her constant, obsessive whining, bellyaching, and overt displays of anger about everything the President did.  Democrat leaders feel that her latest crazy, bizarre behavior now puts the upcoming Election in Republican hands… unless she can be stifled.

Administrators at Kook City Rest Home indicate that they can keep her muzzled for 2 months, and far away from any cameras or microphones.  They have several “Happy Rooms” in back of the facility with freezers full of ice cream, and TV’s permanently tuned to Sesame Street.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that sound pretty darn real.

As Election Day approaches, many are concerned that the Democratic Nominee is exhibiting early stages of dementia.  At a recent campaign stop in Michigan, he fumbled through COVID statistics, at one point going totally incoherent, saying there were “6 thousand, 344 thousand, 700 positive cases in the US military, I mean the United States overall.”  It made people in his own Party extremely nervous about letting him out in public for the next 2 months.  House Speaker Pelosi went as far as to suggest cancelling the Presidential Debates, so that Joe doesn’t look like a complete moron on national TV.

DNC leaders, however, are not overly concerned.  They think that having a brain-impaired President who can be propped up in his chair as a non-functional figurehead may work to their advantage in executing their social revolution agenda.

“Let’s face it…leaders who are egomaniacs can be so difficult to work with,” one insider commented.  “They think they know it all, and are not good listeners.  Better to have a guy who mumbles to himself in the corner, so that the rest of us can get the country moving in the right direction.  Or (ha, ha) in the left direction, in our case.”

Still, Joe must make it through the Election.  Most Democrats don’t care if the citizens elect a candidate suffering from dementia or any other impairment, as long as it’s not Trump.  Hell, some were even so desperate that they wanted to nominate an avowed socialist, Crazy Bernie Sanders, and his platform to turn the USA into an oversized Cuba, albeit with better cars.  Even though Joe is no Bernie, his malady will allow the Marxist element to effectively run things in the White House, and get the country away from this darn free enterprise path, and onto a new, inspired road to social justice, income equality, and global re-cooling.

Opponents have suggested Biden receive a full medical exam prior to the Election, so that voters can know whether they are electing someone who could figure out what button to push in the event of a nuclear attack… hopefully not the one that orders cheesecake and a fresh latte from the White House butler.  Dems feel that an exam is unnecessary, since, according to them, a possibly-impaired Biden would still be better than a known-impaired Trump.  The fight goes on.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction… that’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Nancy Peloci, in her effort to be considered the most disrespectful House Speaker in the history of the country, just advised Democratic nominee Biden to cancel the Presidential debate because it would be an exercise in skullduggery.  She was reported to be foaming at the mouth as she disparaged the President with a continuous string of insults at her regular press conference.

Medical personnel on the scene were greatly concerned about her psychotic behavior, which put her at risk of having a nervous breakdown right there at the podium.  Her liberal followers were similarly concerned, since Ms. Pelosi’s nasty mouth is a vital cog in the DNC campaign strategy of daily Trump bashing.

“No one else in the Party has a secure enough position in their District to risk acting like a total idiot in front of the public,” a DNC spokesperson commented.  “Her mostly-deranged constituents in San Francisco accept her moronic behavior, and would vote for her, even if she was thrown in solitary confinement for treason and/or hording ice cream in her commercial-size freezer at her home.”

Her obnoxious act of ripping her copy of the President’s State of the Union address suggested to many medical professionals that she was borderline crazy, and should be placed on a Watch List.  Then, her obsession with spewing Hate Trump speech at every occasion, alerted medical personnel to always be on standby at her public events, just in case she did a total flip-out.

“She has this delusion that her whacky, hateful outbursts are showing the world that she’s a tough congresswoman who won’t back down to anyone, and believes she has a Pass to be able to be as disrespectful and disgusting as she wishes,” an RNC member mentioned.  “But we realize it’s all just part of her mental illness, and we have pity on her.”

Pelosi’s recent trouble with breaking the law when she illegally visited her favorite hair salon and forced the stylist to cut her mop inside the building in defiance of local COVID safety regulations has made her defenders nervous.  Then, blaming to store owner for “allowing” Pelosi to misbehave was too much for even the leftiest libs to accept.  They have vowed to get her professional psychological help after the election, provided voters keep her crazy ass in her seat.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but some have actually come true.

Seeing the success of the Students Protesting Against Masks (SPAM) protest march, another group of gripers formed to rally against the mask-wearing requirement.  The Citizens Lobbying Against Masks (CLAM) are an older throng of unhappy campers, claiming that masks make it difficult to breathe, and fog up their reading glasses.  Furthermore, they say that they heard that masks do not help ward off the virus anyway, since a virus is so small that it could easily pass through the weave.   A number of protestors took off their masks, and used their BBQ grille lighters to set them on fire, to the cheer of the crowd.

Mid-way through the rally, one of the protestors started wildly coughing, almost as if hacking up a lung.  This sent the other protestors into a screamy panic.  Some flopped down flat on the ground and buried their faces in the grass.  Others dashed away, and climbed trees to get away from the estimated 16 million germs expelled by the coughing maniac.  One person put on his charred mask and burnt his face.  A nearby taco truck closed his windows, packed it up, and moved across town, with condiments flying every which way as he sped off.

About one hour later, a professor from nearby Bumfunk College, who had been part of the CLAM rally earlier, took some measurements of the air at Ground Zero, and announced all was clear, and the rally could continue.  Unfortunately, by that time, everyone had gone home to shower down.

By the end of the day, the cougher had been tested for COVID, and results came out negative for the virus.  The CLAM organizer stated that she was happy and relieved at the test result, and planned to restage the protest rally, possibly next month.  She said they would do a better job screening participants to exclude any “cougher types” next time.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, to the best of our knowledge.

At a time when protests have become the norm, a new group calling themselves Students Protesting Against Masks (SPAM) has organized a march to the cheers and jeers of various onlookers.  SPAM is a collection of young people who are refusing to wear COVID virus masks, in defiance of rules and guidance for mask use in public spaces.

The young people say that masks are ugly, even the ones that have bling or hip decorations to try and make them look attractive.  Some claim that the dating scene has totally dried-up because of the ugly factor.  They say that the ugly factor makes gorgeous people look like scummy thugs… not to mention people with below-average looks in the first place.

They do not care that their misbehavior increases the likelihood that the Corona crisis will escalate and go on for a longer period of time if people, like them, don’t take proper safety precautions.

“We care about the NOW,” a SPAM spokesperson blurted out, “not what may or may not happen months from now.  If we have to bury ourselves in the sand for 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, or even a year, our lives will be pure dog piss.  That is unstomachable.  Masks are history.”

The spokesperson put his mask back on, then ripped it off in some kind of show of anger.  Most onlookers thought the guy looked better with the mask on, since it hid his complexion problems and oversized shnoz.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction at the time of writing.  After that, who knows?

Let’s face it.  You are getting bored and stressed with all this Stay At Home regulation.  There’s nothing good on TV.  You have had enough Zoom meetings with friends.  You’ve read your whole stockpile of novels on your bookshelf, or have just stopped because they all make you too sleepy.  You’d like to do something that does not require wearing a mask.  It’s time for a change.

And, we at Bizarreville, have just the ticket.  Just released is our new satirical novel:  Rindy the Mold-eating Squirrel.  It is a fun, humorous story that is suitable for squirrel lovers of all ages.  As usual, it pokes fun at a wide variety of subjects… all in good taste.  Click on the book cover in the right margin, and that will link you directly to Amazon for an easy transaction.  Be prepared to laugh your rear-end off. ——>