February 2nd, 2010
Pounce, bounce, and punt program
Bizarreville Loan & Savings has announced an exciting new program for their loyal customers, which they are calling their Pounce, Bounce and Punt program. With this innovative program, a person will be able to run unlimited overdrafts on their checking account by simply signing a Promissory Note that their children will pay off the balance starting 20 years from now. The children, of course, will also be responsible for paying the accumulated interest. But BL&S bank officials say, “Hey, that’s 20 years from now. Who knows what’ll be going on by then?”
This exciting new program will allow families to go ahead and buy that giant flat screen TV, go to dinner at Ruth’s Chris, buy that package of flying lessons, or take a cruise to Latvia…without having to sacrifice other necessary entertainment needs or make those silly, annoying trade-off decisions.
BL&S fully understands that there will be questions, so they have issued a Q&A package for their customers to ease their minds. For example: Q: How can we get our 3-year old to sign the note; he can’t even write yet? A: Parents just stuff a pen in his hand and move it to make an X on the signature line. Q: What about my unborn baby, does she qualify? A: Absolutely. Mom can sign the form then press it against her belly for pseudo-confirmation. Q: What if the kids don’t want to pay 20 years from now? A: Worry about that later. By then we’ll all be retired and holed-up in some low-budget nursing home. Q: Who will fund this deficit of checkbook willy nilly spending? A: Not sure. Probably the Chinese. Otherwise, the bank may have to float some junk bonds, which will probably end up being worthless.
Many conservative lawmakers are appalled at this reckless concept, and fear that it could start a new wave of spending irresponsibility, with devastating long-term effects. But, when pulled aside, many privately say that they will be quickly signing up to do the Overdraft Mambo so they can finally replace their worn-out naugahyde living room couches and Pier One wicker end tables with something just a little less tacky.
Meanwhile, other Bizarreville banks are kicking themselves for being caught flatfooted on this brilliant idea, and are scrambling feverously to try and duplicate it. One rival bank insists they will do “one better” by incorporating Promissory Notes assigned to grandchildren who won’t even be conceived for another 20-plus years. The innovative brilliance never ceases to amaze.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even ones that sound like they could be real.
