June 4th, 2010
New hand-wringing towels for the BP oil spill crisis
The White House just announced plans to change suppliers of their official hand-wringing towels. They claim that the current supplier has failed to deliver a consistent quality product that can hold up to the demands of their intense users.
A White House spokesman indicated that the previous towels provided by Waaah Waaah Inc literally turned into shreds during the current BP oil spill crisis. “They just were not up to the task,” the spokesman said. “We had a group of 10 of us in the Oval Office wimpering, crying, and wringing the snot out of those towels. 9 out of 10 basically disintegrated, turning into a mangled mess of sloppy thread. The 10th was used by a staffer who apparently dozed off during the meeting.”
Waaah Waaah has said that they never warrantied their product line for this enormous level of wringing that the towels recently were subjected to. They said that they would have normally expected the Chief Executive to stop crying, and start doing something at this stage of the crisis, as all his predecessors would have done by now. “This Chief has just thrown us for a loop,” said Frank Waaah, CEO of the company. “It appears we are in a new age of fret, that may require us to totally rethink how our product line is designed.”
The new supplier, Boohooski Wet Mops Inc., promised to deliver hand-wringers made out of heavy-duty denim with kevlar wire reinforcement. They say that their towels are strictly made for wringing, and caution the texture is much too rough for facial skin contact. They claim that they will guarantee the steady performance of their Max Wring Whinecloths for either the entire length of the BP oil spill crisis, or 2 years, whichever comes first.
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