bizarreville

Bizarreville is trying to quickly follow New Hampshire’s initiative – a government requirement to provide 6 paid sick days off per year for each and every employee on the payroll.  Government officials are not exactly making it a requirement to be sick 6 days/year, but admit that it would be “extremely helpful” if all people would contract some ailment to meet the specified quota.  “There are many ailments out there, but Flu would certainly be a suggested choice, and there are many, many places where it can be gotten.”  Officials are dissuading people from catching the Cold, because that is often considered too lame an excuse for taking a day off.

Shmelker Industries claimed that this was the stupidest idea since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution.  Historians, however, responded that this comment was inaccurate, and that there were considerably more ideas stupider than this one:  the Edsel, new Coke, Mr. Potato Head, to name a few.  Shmelker quipped they used to give lapel pins for perfect attendance but were now being mandated to give them to all who miss 6 days of work or less.  “Maybe we should call it Fair-To-Midlin Attendance, rather than Perfect Attendance?”  Unamused officials said, “No, six or less is perfect…don’t be a punk.”

Labor unions have been generally positive about the change but insisted that “overstress” also be considered a legitimate reason for taking a day, and that Doctor Bartender be authorized as a sanctioned treatment center.  Officials indicated that this would comply with the reg, but the employee would have to  get a signed slip from the bartender before returning to work.

Some opponents have argued that this is just another example of government control mania…wanting to take over more and more aspects of business and personal life oversight.  The government response to that: “What was that guy’s name, and where does he live?”

Shlumbucker Inc. said that this concept of paying for nothing is spreading to the other areas of their business.  A bearing supplier recently sent them a pallet of empty boxes, but still invoiced for full payment.  The situation was a bit embarrassing for execs at Derford Bearing Company, but they tried to lighten things up, “Guess those bearings were just sick that day and decided to stay home (ha, ha).”  Later, those execs checked into Bizarreville Hospital with minor contusions/lacerations to their ears from scraping on asphalt.