October 18th, 2024
Her Meltdown
After her botched interview with Fox News, Candidate Ferris began to notice a physiological change in her lower body. It appears that her unwillingness to answer the correspondent’s questions and rambling into an incoherent series of babbles caused a partial meltdown of bone and muscle. Ferris’ handlers say that she will not grant any more interviews prior to the election for fear of losing torso content.
Critics say this event is reminiscent of the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West experienced a full meltdown when hit with a bucket of cold water. Some of the interview questions were certainly comparable to a bucket of cold water for such a reluctant interviewee. But Ferris supporters have become incensed by the comparison, arguing that she is not a wicked witch like AOC, and only wants to bring joy to the middle class by giving them a lot of handouts. And they say she’s always had a fondness for Toto… the dog and the band. She is even considering adding a Doggie Care subsidy into her economic program, and may even cancel all current scooping regulations.
Some pundits say that it will be difficult for Ferris to campaign, given her partial meltdown status, and the mess she makes wherever she goes. Her supporters say that is okay… she can always retreat to her basement and campaign like Biden did in the 2020 election. Most people agree that keeping her hidden and away from microphones is her best strategy moving forward.
